ZERO TOLERANCE

Having a gigantic number of policemen on the streets of London does seem to prevent riots. The bold experiment in public order was declared a success after thugs and looters realised there were 16,000 heavily armoured professionals, each carrying a big fuck-off stick with their name on it. The government may now extend 'policing' beyond Royal weddings, the Cheltenham Festival and the fat, jolly, middle-aged one who stands outside 10 Downing Street and hands petitions to the person who then puts them in the bin.

Home secretary Theresa May said, "We should not jump to conclusions. We need to make sure that we do not begin policing Britain's streets by mistake. Were the rioters a bit tired after three nights of unmolested chaos? Was there anything particularly good on the television? I, for instance, was watching The Mentalist." Suddenly-introverted rioter Martin Bishop said, "I decided that, on balance, I did not want to be shot in the chest with a plastic bullet. Perhaps if I believed in something, or had some kind of grievance, then maybe. But for the time being I would prefer to remain indoors."

However there were disturbances in parts of Britain that don't matter. Roy Hobbs, assistant chief constable of West Midlands Police, said something unimportant and reading it would only be a waste of your valuable time. And Gloucester now faces a 7pm curfew for the next 18 months amid fears that an invitation to an engagement party in Winchcombe may have been set on fire deliberately. But the country's sombre mood has been boosted as Labour leader Ed Miliband cut short his Amnesty International-approved holiday and offered to help the police investigation with his bionic nose.

He said, "I stand ready and able to sniff out guilt, simmering resentment or a hot Wii." Miliband insisted he would not make political capital out of the riots but said it would never have happened under a Labour government because until May last year inner-city youths were all exactly the same as Billy Elliot. Meanwhile, in Manchester, debate continues over whether the city had experienced serious social unrest or a Tuesday. (Source: Daily Mash, Aug/11)

The principal behind Zero Tolerance is that any crime or misdemeanour no matter how small, must be pursued, prosecuted and the offender punished. The theory being that such actions will encourage people to desist from criminal activity and the public will see that those who do not are punished for their anti-social actions. No longer will the police have the power to simply reprimand or caution as in the past with the words, "Excuse me sir, that cigarette packet you threw on the floor; that is a crime called littering. I suggest you pick it up now and we'll say no more on the matter"; no they will have to prosecute for littering.

Which means that the courts will soon be full of trivial cases where nothing is gained by such pointless prosecutions. Police having powers to impose on the spot fines rather than requiring a full court prosecution, in no time at all leads to a police state.

As the law stands now, it is a criminal offence not to inform the police of a crime that you have knowledge of. Which means that every time a driver breaks the speed limit, even by one mile per hour, they should turn themselves in at the nearest police station. Imagine turning up at the local station every night, joining the mile long queue, and admitting that, "I did 31mph on the High Street today". It wouldn't be long before the desk sergeant was screaming, "F--k off !", as soon as you entered the station.

Which just goes to show that Zero Tolerance is a complete joke and is impractical to implement or carry through to completion. Another irony is, in the case of cars, that the speedometer needs to only be 10% accurate at 30mph in order to pass an MOT, so even the most law abiding citizen in the land may be tootling down the road believing that they are well below the speed limit only to find themselves hauled up in court for breaking it. Or are we going to allow some leeway in these circumstances? In which case, what is the point of Zero Tolerance?