SCIENCE
(From Odd Socks)

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"When you breathe, you inspire. When you don't breathe, you expire."

"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

"When you smell an odourless gas, it's probably carbon monoxide"

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it's even deader.

"Momentum: What you give a person when they're going away."

"Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky."

"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

"For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops."

"For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make Artificial Perspiration."

"For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor."

"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he's not recovered, then kill it."

"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."

"To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to stick meat to."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

"One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second."

"You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind."

"Talc is found on rocks and on babies."

"The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down."

"When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions."

"Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south."

"A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go."

"There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever."

"Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils, while others preferred to be oil."

"Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don't why you should."

"Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there."

"In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's."

"Water vapour gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does."

"Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water."

"We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe."

"Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail."

"In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes."

"Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man."

"A blizzard is when it snows sideways."

"Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound."

"Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime."

When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

A major disease associated with cigarettes is - premature death.

A terminal illness is when you are sick at the airport

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u.

Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.

The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

Back to Top