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PONG-PROOF PANTS
North Face briefs have tiny fragments of silver woven into them which help stop bacteria multiplying. This means they can be worn again and again without getting smelly.

The company said that the old trick of turning underwear inside out before wearing it for a second day is rendered unnecessary. The manufacturer created the clothing for its team of athletes and explorers.

The pants had to be lightweight, comfortable and durable enough to last a trip to the top of Everest, and also easy to care for even when miles from a washing machine. But surely, worrying about changing your underwear is not your top priority when battling your way up Everest!
DON'T COMPLAIN
Steve Measham complained about yobs using mobiles as their plane was about to take off and ended up being frogmarched off the aircraft with them. A MyTravelLite spokesman said, “With the well being of other passengers on board in mind, the captain decided to offload all four passengers involved. His decision is final.”
ROCK QUEEN
Prince Philip insisted that the Queen has a good knowledge of pop and rock music and knew all about rock greats such as Eric Clapton. He said, "Of course the Queen knows who Eric Clapton is. When she met him she knew exactly who she was talking to." So why did she ask him, "And what do you do, Mr Clapton"?
FEMAIL FLASHER
A woman wearing just an evening gown is lifting it up and flashing at passers-by in Whitwick, Leics. Where in Whitwick exactly?
LONG WALKIES
Danny Willock goes miles out of his way when he takes his dog for a walk because it refuses to turn right. It's three-quarters of a mile to the park, but Danny does a three-mile detour because of the dog’s phobia.
THE WORLD OF POLITICS
Politicians in Australia have been banned from calling each other buggerlugs in their parliament, but dickhead is still allowed.
IMPORT BAN
The UK government called for a ban on wild bird imports to the EU, after bird flu was found in a parrot that died while in British quarantine. Migrating wild birds please note.
IMMIGRANT INFLUX
According to the Office for National Statistics, Britain's population is set to rise by more than seven million in the next 25 years, a far greater increase than official forecasts have previously predicted. More than half the extra population will be the direct result of immigration. No surprise there then.
THERE'S NO HOPE
A 10-year-old boy was quizzed by police on suspicion of racial harassment for humming the Crazy Frog ringtone outside a French neighbour's house.
IT'S A SNIP
A study into the spread of HIV, the virus that leads to Aids, has found that male circumcision significantly protects men from picking up the infection. The study, which followed infection rates in more than 3,000 heterosexual men over nearly two years, found that circumcision reduced a man's risk of acquiring HIV by 60%.
       

 

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DANGEROUS DRIVING
Pensioner Douglas Smith was cleared in court of driving too slowly, at 10 mph. He was charged with dangerous driving but Magistrates in Cheltenham, Glos, gave him an absolute discharge for having no licence or insurance and said he must take another driving test. Douglas said, "I am in no rush. I need time to recover from this ordeal."

THE VICTIM LOSES OUT AGAIN
A pregnant woman who won a sex discrimination claim after being forced out of her job was told she will receive no compensation after her employer closed the company and started an almost identical business. An employment tribunal ruled that Mary Siergiejew was hounded into resigning from her managerial post at a recruitment consultancy by the “detrimental treatment” she received from Dominic Kneafsey, its owner. A few hours before she was due to learn the size of her expected six- figure payout, however, Mr Kneafsey placed the company, RPS (Retail Personnel Services) Ltd, into administration.

He promptly bought back its assets for £10,000 and started a new company, also called RPS Ltd but with the acronym standing for Recruitment Personnel Solutions. It has the same address in Bolton, the same phone number, the same logo and the same website, which boasts that RPS has been offering its clients “the very highest quality” of work since 1994. Because Mrs Siergiejew brought her case against the original company, the new RPS has no liability towards her. Mr Kneafsey is reported to have stated that the decison to place RPS into administration was totally unconnected to the compensation award. (Source:
Times Online)

MONEY FOR OLD ROPE
MPs claimed £80,844,465 in expenses alone in 2004 which is £2,799,316 more than the previous 12 months and amounts to an average of £122,677 for each of the 659 MPs. Matthew Elliott, head of the waste watchdog Taxpayers' Alliance , said, "It shows some politicians are all talk, no action on tackling public sector waste." Nick Harvey, chairman of a Commons committee overseeing Parliament's spending, said, "This money is for the essential expenses of staffing and running their offices in Parliament and the area they represent. Constituents demand that their MP can be contacted wherever and whenever necessary and that they should be in touch with all important issues. That requires efficient staff, modern equipment, travel and good financial management."

LAW UN-ENFORCEMENT
Foreign drivers owe £30 million in unpaid parking and bus lane tickets that were issued in London but cannot be enforced. Foreign drivers also owe more than £10 million in congestion charge fines. Local authorities have difficulty tracing the owners of foreign vehicles because some countries refuse requests to supply details. British drivers who receive parking fines in Italy or Spain could be taken to court but London authorities could not pursue Italian or Spanish drivers who picked up tickets here.

Foreign drivers also exploit loopholes in the enforcement system to avoid speeding penalties. In Kent 1,148 foreign cars were caught on speed cameras last year but no action was taken against any of them. In contrast, thousands of British drivers are forced to pay on-the-spot speeding fines on the Continent each year.

SCHOOL PHONE BAN PROPOSED
The government's school discipline task force ordered a crackdown and wants to ban mobile phones in schools to stamp out “happy slapping”. The task force insists phones should only be carried by vulnerable kids and those needing to arrange a lift from school. This ban on phones will probably be as effective as the ban on knives and guns which resulted in even more cases of people being attacked.

LIVING IN ANOTHER WORLD
David Beckham is demanding Real Madrid give him a pay deal worth £770,000 a WEEK. He wants his weekly salary to leap from £145,000 to £190,000 plus all the profits from his shirt sales which sell in their hundreds of thousands globally. He gets half of the profits from his image rights, but is now demanding all the cash as part of a deal that would earn him £40million a year. In contrast, footballer Paul Terry earns only £900 a week at Coca Cola League 1 side Yeovil. An interesting use of the term 'Only'.

OFFICER UNDER INVESTIGATION
Anop Singh, 16, and Pierre Cornwall, 17, used mobiles to film a plainclothes Pc and his colleague telling off youngsters for throwing conkers at people in Clissold Park, North London. When they refused to stop the officer allegedly threatened to put Anop in a rubbish bin. Anop replied, "Go on then!" The PC promptly dropped him in feet first. Anop said, "He picked me up, threw me over his shoulder and chucked me in the bin like a piece of rubbish. I'm really angry." Pierre, who filmed the incident, said, "The guy could see I was videoing but carried on anyway." The officer is under investigation. Why? It's about time these smart-arses were taken down a peg or two.

ARRESTED FOR WALKING
Property developer Sally Cameron regularly strolled from her home to work past the port area in Dundee. She said, "One day, I was told by a guard on the gate that I couldn't use the route any more because it was solely a cycle path. He said if I was caught doing it again, I'd be arrested." The next thing she knew the harbour master was behind her with a megaphone telling her to turn back but she kept on going. Police officers then arrived and arrested her under the Terrorism Act. Keith Berry, the harbour master for Forth Ports Dundee, said Ms Cameron had been seen as a security risk. "The woman was in a secure area which forbids people walking," he said. After being held for four hours she was released and told she will not be prosecuted.

EARTH TODAY
Our planet is reacting violently to our assaults upon it. Witness the tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, forest fires in Portugal and the U.S., floods in Mexico and Guatemala, and the devastating earthquake in Kashmir, Pakistan, Afghanistan and India, the worst of many. Bird flu is threatening a pandemic in every country, not just Asia, where it started. Ice-caps are disappearing, slowly but surely. The ozone membrane that saves us from skin cancer is dangerously reduced, affecting crops. There is more desert and less rainfall in huge areas of Africa, but flash floods in other areas. Oceans are heating up alarmingly, bringing flooding when coastal defences are breached. Many viruses of ever-changing mutations attack agricultural produce and there is Aids, BSE, DDT, thalidomide, salmonella, Legionnaire's disease, Alzheimer's and obesity etc! And now the cricket....

NEW ENVIRONMENT ACT
Fly tipping is costing £1million a week to clean up and local authorities and the Environment Agency have been given new powers to recover costs from offenders. Secretary of State for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs Margaret Beckett said, “Around one million incidents of fly tipping were recorded in 2004, costing local authorities more than £44 million to clear up. Now, offenders themselves will foot the bill, under the Clean Neighbourhoods and Environment Act." Environment Agency chief executive Baroness Young added, “Fly tipping is the work of those with no regard for public health or the environment. But with the help of these new powers we will be able to work more closely than ever with the local authorities and really take the fight to these waste cheats. The message is clear: if you fly tip, we are coming after you.” Does that include travellers?

CAVING IN TO DEMANDS
Civil servants threatened to strike over government plans to increase the pension age of public sector workers from 60 to 65. Talks between leaders of three million civil servants, health and education workers ended in a new deal which means existing workers will be able to retain their existing pension arrangements. New employees will be guaranteed index linked pensions and will still be able to retire at 60 if they want to. And it will cost taxpayers, who must keep working until 65 or older in the private sector, £2billion a year. Are you listening pensioners?

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