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MAN FINED FOR LIVING IN A GARAGE
A man who has been living in a garage has been fined £1,750 under planning laws. Andrew Coulter, Cottage Studios, Great Northern Road, Omagh, was fined £500 for the same offence last year. He received a further fine of £1,750 at Coleraine Magistrates Court plus £184 costs for a continuing offence. He had refused to stop using the garage in Portrush as a dwelling and to return the use of the building to a domestic garage. (Source: BBC News, Dec/07)

STRIPPER'S 'OFFENSIVE WEAPON'
Two female Grampian Police officers watched a male stripper, then charged him with possessing an offensive weapon! Student Stuart Kennedy, who does a policeman stripper routine, has also been charged with impersonating a police officer. He was waiting outside a bar in Aberdeen, dressed from head to toe in his fake police outfit, when he was spotted by two female plain-clothes officers. The policewomen watched him strip and go through his routine before arresting him and confiscating his outfit and props. (Source: Daily Mirror, Apr/07)

FOUND: BANK'S FRONT DOOR KEYS
A cleaner left the keys to a bank's front door on top of a cashpoint. Paul Andrews spotted the keys while out walking near his home in Pinner, Middlesex. He said, "I tried them in the door and it worked, so I locked up, put them in my pocket and went home. It's ridiculous." Paul rang the police, but two officers who turned up said, "You could open up for them and hand the keys back personally." However, staff were far from appreciative the next morning. Branch manager Kay Patel said, "They're the cleaner's keys. If anyone had gone in the alarm would've gone off. Security would be here in an instant." Later a NatWest spokesman said the locks were changed as soon as they were aware of a problem. (Source: Daily Mirror, Apr/07)

COUNCIL CRUSH A £30,000 CLASSIC CAR THAT WAS LEGALLY PARKED
Mendoza Stewart's car, a 1972 hand-crafted Bristol 411 worth £30,000, was towed away and crushed by Lambeth Council in South London despite it being legally parked. Mr Stewart parked the car in a council-run car park near his son's flat in nearby Camberwell but when he returned it was missing. He thought it had been stolen and went to the police who were unable to find it but after investigating discovered that Lambeth had taken it away. The aluminium-bodied vehicle, built by Bristol Cars, was in good condition and was exempt from road tax because of its status as a classic car. Mr Stewart, who insists a special "nil payment" disc was clearly displayed in the windscreen, took legal action against the council after the incident in December 2004.

But more than two years on, despite the council admitting liability, he has still not received a penny. The Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency confirmed Mr Stewart's Bristol would have been a classic car because of its age and not subject to road tax. A Lambeth spokesman said, "Solicitors acting for Lambeth council have accepted breach of duty on behalf of their client. The council apologises to Mr Stewart. As the matter is currently being litigated, we cannot comment further at this time but we are working hard to resolve this case as soon as possible." (Source: Mail on Sunday, Apr/07)

WANNA BEAT THE TRAFFIC?
The world's first commercially-available rocket pack is now on the market, for £130,000. Inventor Juan Manuel Lozano says the hydrogen-peroxide powered backpacks, known as Rocket Belts, can propel the wearer to speeds of up to 60mph. He claims the custom-made 800 horse-powered rockets will launch adrenaline junkies weighing up to 21st as high as 300ft.

The original was used by Sean Connery in Thunderball and was also flown in the opening ceremony of the 1984 Olympic Games in Los Angeles. Anyone who buys the new version will receive a machine to make its rocket fuel, hands-on training and 10 training flights. The firm also offers maintenance and 24-hour support. Want one? They're available from www.tecaeromex.com. (Source: Ananova, Apr/07)

NO PARKING
Sally Robinson has been told she can't park in her private lay-by because the council says it owns the Tarmac, despite the fact she has been leaving her car in the spot for almost 25 years. She even has Land Registry documents proving beyond a doubt the lay-by belongs to her but wardens keep slapping tickets on her car as her local authority claims she only owns the soil under the road surface. The council is refusing to back down and has even put up a "No parking" sign. Sally said, "My father paid for the lay-by to be built when a new road was being put in alongside our clothes shop back in 1983. We have owned the lay-by without any problems ever since."

After hiring a solicitor, she has since been told that her three fines will be cancelled. Shepway District Council said, "Mrs Robinson has documents proving she owns the land but if it is maintained at public expense, it can be subject to parking enforcements." Mrs Robinson's solicitor Mark Dewey said, "A council can adopt land to become part of a highway, but it must first have agreement of the owner, which, in this case, it doesn't. Shepway council must receive a dedication from Mrs Robinson for it to become part of the highway, but it has never done this." (Source: Daily Mirror, Apr/07)

MOST STUPID JOB TITLE - EVER!
Vision Clearance Executive, otherwise known as a window cleaner, has been voted the most stupid job title of all time. It won nearly a third of the votes in the poll ahead of education centre nourishment production assistant, or dinner lady and waste removal engineer, or bin man. Fourth in the survey of 4,000 adults by job website www.jobs2view.com was domestic engineer, otherwise known as housewife. (Source: Daily Mirrror, Apr/07)

FUNERAL NO SHOW
A Bosnian man has written to all his friends to complain after only his elderly mum turned up for his funeral. Amir Vehabovic faked his own death just to see how many people would attend. He then watched from the bushes as only his elderly mum turned up for the burial in the north Bosnian town of Gradiska. In the letter to the 45 people he invited to the burial he said, "I paid a lot of money to get a fake death certificate and bribe undertakers to deliver an empty coffin. I really thought a lot more of you, my so-called friends, would turn up to pay their last respects. It just goes to show who you can really count on." (Source: Ananova, Mar/07)

NAKED OAP JOYRIDER
Police are hunting for a naked pensioner spotted joyriding around a bowling green on a Shopmobility scooter in Scotland. A passer-by saw the man, thought to be in his seventies, on the vehicle, which has a top speed of 3mph. The witness, concerned that the naked pensioner would be seen by children at a neighbouring play park in Perth, called police. A spokesman for Tayside Police said, "When the complainer called the police, the pensioner put his clothes on and drove off. The area was searched but there was no trace of the male involved." (Source: Ananova, Mar/07)

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