Living here is dangerous if
you...
Smoke
(lung cancer), eat meat
(E.Coli & heart disease),
chicken or fish (salmonella),
fruit or vegetables (nasty pesticides
& GM), especially in
restaurants (passive smoking),
particularly pizzerias (triangular
pizza slices are very pointy, and could have
someone's eye out), drink alcohol (liver
damage), drink the water (aluminium,
unknown bacteria), sunbathe (premature
ageing, skin cancer), have sex (AIDS,
chlymidia, other STDs), have
injections (hepatitis, MMR scare),
fly on planes (that blood clot thingy),
drive cars (road rage),
visit foreign countries (goes without
saying), use a mobile phone,
microwave or VDU (carcinogenic
radiation), use a Walkman (tinnitus),
use the Internet (wierdos in chat
rooms), read books (eye
strain, paper cuts, unsettling ideas),
watch TV, cinema, or play video games (Clockwork
Orange copycat violence), bet on
the horses (obsessive compulsive
disorder), participate in 'danger
sports' (they're dangerous),
send your children to school (teacher-student
abuse, paedophiles at the gates, gunmen on
rampage), keep your children at
home (child abuse, domestic accidents),
live near an airport (plane crashes),
power station (leukaemia, China
syndrome), or on a farm (mad
cow disease, foot & mouth).
Some experts have advised staying in a bunker and
wrapping yourself in cotton wool. However, this
is not advisable due to the possibilty of skin
irritations, allergic reactions etc. coupled with
the fact that most bunkers are World War II
relics and may not be structurally sound. Living
is extremely dangerous, so it is suggested you
stop it immediately (but do so in a safe and
responsible manner).
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