News in Brief (source: www.fark.com)
Wlesh
scienitsts dsicover dlysexia gene.
Man uses the old "finger in pocket"
trick during holdup, forgets the pocket part.
Accordian thief caught out in street when
suspicious police officer orders him to play it.
Man spends five years in prison awaiting trial,
is acquitted in 15 minutes.
Coke employee fired for drinking Pepsi on the
job.
Couple allows perfect stranger to house-sit for
them while on holiday - are shocked to return to
a home with considerably fewer furnishings.
Man who smoked cigars, drank beer and ate greasy
food dies aged 113.
"What's been reported is accurate but you
have to take it in context of the entire report,
which is classified."
Man walks into gents toilet, unzips, encounters
female attendant, gets sued.
"Going to war without France is like going
deer hunting without an accordion"
Restauranteur proves worm is edible after
customer complained he had found it in his food.
Man says he wants penis-reduction surgery,
because it's getting out of hand.
Man claims he can't remember how bullet blew off
his finger and lodged in his kneecap.
Odd smell causes evacuation of old folks' home.
Smell not just regular old people smell.
Advanced English course cancelled because it's
unfair to those who are having problems learning.
French man loses arm in accident, doesn't notice.
Twelve of 20 charges dropped against restaurant
owner after he says moldy, bug-infested food was
for his own use, not for patrons.
Sputnik satellite for sale on eBay. Experts note
that there are more Sputniks in circulation than
were made.
Man struck by lightning, asks paramedics for
cigarette.
Woman found nude in park, bound to picnic table
and being spanked by a boat oar says incident
blown out of proportion.
Land feud turns ugly as man posts signs in yard:
"Keep the fuck out".
Parents of woman murdered while changing flat
tyre want Ford and Firestone held liable for
death.
Couple, 102 and 96, finally married after 80
years. Plans for honeymoon include scrubbing
dentures.
Scientists discover watching TV while eating
crisps all day makes you fat. Still no cure for
cancer.
Smoking speeds up memory loss in middle age. In
other news, smoking speeds up memory loss in
middle age.
Town known for its ugly women holds beauty
contest to prove critics wrong, but can't find
enough pretty girls to enter.
Woman leads police on high-speed chase to her
house, thinking she can't be arrested at home.
Muslim woman sues for religious rights to wear
veil for driving licence. Swears on Bible to
testify in court.
Unlike last time, man who faked his own death is
dead. No, really.
"Students today cannot write a complete
sentence," says Professor Rochester from the
University of
Hospital won't explain how heart-transplant
patient caught fire on operating table.
Jurors didn't watch enough porn to know that it
is obscene.
Lost parrot rescued after calling out to family
dog "What you doing?"
Court rules member of Parliament can bring in and
rebuild his carburettor on House floor as long as
he's quiet.
Food supplements believed to prevent cancer may
cause cancer.
Town's recycling day nets 120 litres of
hydrofluoric acid and a bomb.
Is oral sex really sex? School article brings
discussion to a head.
Taxpayers Association chairman convicted of
evading taxes.
Home
These articles
have been collected from various sources. If you
are the copyright owner of any of them, contact us for
either a credit and link to your site or removal
of the article.
--------------