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WE'VE GOT YOUR NUMBER
Former athlete David Bedford is demanding £200,000 compensation from The Number, the company behind the 118 118 directory enquiries service, claiming unlawful use of his image because the joggers in it's adverts are modelled on him. So it's now illegal to look like someone else!?!?! Compensation for what? The adverts can't have done him any harm and most people had forgotten about him anyway.
BRAINLESS
Some people don't have the brains they were born with. A disposable barbecue's coals were still smoldering and sparked a rubbish fire after being dumped in a bin in the main car park, at Markeaton Park.
NO COMMON-SENSE
Ten-year-old Natasha Baker was not wearing a cycling helmet when she came off her bike while cycling down a steep hill at 30mph. She suffered concussion, amnesia, a black eye and a broken collar-bone. Natasha said, "I do have a cycling helmet, but I wasn't wearing it because it doesn't look good." Her mother added, "The law should be changed so children have to wear helmets." It makes sense to wear a safety helmet, but some people obviously lack the intellegence to realise that they don't need to wait for it to become a legal requirement in order to do so.
TAXMEN NET £25M
The Inland Revenue may have made as much as £25 million from wrongly fining taxpayers for late payments. However, there was no question of the money being automatically paid back. Officials said it would be up to individual taxpayers to recognise the error and to contact the office that issued the fine IF they want to be refunded!
CALL THE POLICE
The police are asking residents to call them immediately if they see something suspicious, no matter how insignificant they might think it is at the time. The call comes in the wake of recent incidents where people reported that they saw burglars breaking into property, but they did not tell the police until hours, or even days after the offences. But when the police ARE informed it can take three days for them to respond.
       


Citizen Pete

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TOO MUCH TO EXPECT
An oak sapling was planted on the edge of the river near Exeter Place to replace the English oak that was planted in May 2003 to commemorate Brian Clough becoming an honorary freeman of the city. That one died because it was planted out of season. However, Mark Holt, landlord of the Royal Standard, Derwent Street, said, "It's taken three council workers with two vans and they still haven't got it right. It's a joke. It's not even straight." A spokeswoman for the city council said, "It has gone in the ground but the planting will be finished off later, at which point it will be more vertical. There will be minor maintenance required for the supporting brace." How can a tree be put in the ground but not planted? It was obviously too big a job for three men to complete in a single day.

LIVE AND LET LIVE
Jon Foster has applied to Derby City Council for a licence to convert the former second-hand store Rummag, in Monk Street, into a shop selling adult toys and clothing, videos and magazines. As expected, residents have objected to the proposals. A petition with 39 signatures has been handed in, along with two letters raising concerns.

Mr Foster said, "There's no way the shop will have a negative effect on the area. People have the idea that I'm bringing prostitution into the area and that sort of thing, but it's absolutely not the case. It's not going to be seedy, I don't want to own a seedy shop or be associated with that kind of thing."

But some people are maintaining their concerns. Dave Johnson from Abbey Street, said, "My kids have to walk past that shop every day. Obviously I don't want them to have to walk past a sex shop every morning and night. I can't see any benefit in it at all, other than for the person who's running it." Like any other shop really then.

The windows will be covered, so passers-by won't be able to see in and there will be a lobby area so, even if the door's open, people won't be able to see anything. So, in reality, people can just walk past without having to enter, and ignore it if they wish. Mr Foster was later granted his licence.

KEEP OUT OF THE SUN
Derby schools are being asked to consider postponing or cancelling outdoor afternoon events, to avoid the danger of excessive exposure to the sun. The advice to schools also includes advising parents of the need for appropriate clothing, including hats, and encouraging them to apply sunscreen before sending their children to school.

Dave Barrow, city council education health and safety adviser, said, "Schools should consider keeping a supply of spray-on sunscreen. This should be sprayed on to the pupil, but the pupil should then apply it. Teachers should not have any physical contact with the pupil and parental consent should be sought for this." However, abortions can be arranged without parental consent.

CHICKEN
An evening of fun in a ditch next to the Alvaston bypass ended when 12-year-old Pearce Randall was killed after being hit by a car. Pearce belonged to the Alvaston Nightcrawlers (N-Cs), a gang of boys from Noel-Baker Community School. They were often seen hanging around with their female counterparts, the Alvaston Lladeez, between two footbridges at the side of the busy dual carriageway.

One of the 30-strong group of friends he was with said he had been running to the other side after they challenged each other to a race across the carriageway, adding, "When it happened, everyone was racing to get to the other side. People are saying we play chicken, but we wouldn't be that stupid, it's one of the busiest roads." So just what would they call this less-than-sensible form of 'entertainment' they were enjoying then?

Derbyshire Royal Infirmary consultant pathologist Dr Andrew Hitchcock, who carried out a post-mortem examination, said that Pearce had probably been under the effects of cannabis at the time of his death. The drug would have impaired his ability to react in an emergency situation, such as avoiding contact with a moving vehicle, he said.

PRICE RIP-OFF
Nintendo is cutting the price of its GameCube in a bid to capture sales in the crucial run up to Christmas. But while the console will fall from £129 to an estimated £79 in the UK, the recommended retail price elsewhere in Europe will be around £69. The Consumers' Association said it was another example of companies charging higher prices in Britain for no apparent reason.

"There is normally an excuse but it seems unfair that the UK always ends up paying more," said a spokeswoman. "It may be just £10 in the case of the GameCube but it's £10 too much." Joao Diniz-Sanchez, editor of the gaming magazine Edge, claimed the problem lay with retailers. "When Nintendo initially announced the price of the GameCube they gave it in euros and the press in the UK simply converted it into pounds," he said.

He added, "There was fury from retailers who said they would refuse to sell it at that price. They ended up adding £10 to the price to increase their profit margins." A spokeswoman for the company, which has branches in Europe, said higher prices were influenced by transport costs and marketing. Not to mention the fact that despite complaining about the price, we will continue to pay, and retailers know it.

TERRY OR DISPOSIBLE?
Derbyshire County Council is to recruit a 'nappy outreach worker', who will be paid between £15,000 and £17,000, to promote the environmental and financial benefits of reusable nappies. The move, it is hoped, will cut landfill costs by increasing the number of people who wash their children's dirty nappies and use them again, rather than throwing them away. A separate scheme will give £25 towards nappy laundering charges to parents who agree to make the switch. Derbyshire dumps 9,000 tonnes of nappy waste every year, at a cost of £345,600 in landfill charges. Derby City Council, which will be keeping a close eye on the success of the new initiative, has to dump 3,600 tonnes of nappy waste each year, at a cost of £250,000.

SWEET PATROL
Derby's Showcase Cinema staff confiscated children's sweets before a screening of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. An usher swooped on a queue of youngsters to check their treats had been bought in the multiplex's shop. When it turned out they were bought elsewhere he impounded the confectionery until after the show. The complex's doors each have a small notice which warns: "Patrons are not permitted to bring any outside food or drinks in." If you don't like the rules, don't frequent the place - vote with your feet.

FIREWORKS
Police and trading standards officers joined forces in an attempt to find the traders responsible for illegally supplying fireworks to children. The move came after two boys, aged 12 and 13, needed hospital treatment for burns received through playing with a firework. Residents in the area had been complaining about a series of loud explosions and believed youngsters could be making homemade bombs. New legislation in the Fireworks Act 2003 means certain fireworks, like airbombs, will be banned and measures such as noise curfews will be introduced. The sale of fireworks will also be restricted to certain times of the year, such as the run up to November 5th. This of course, will make little difference. Whatever sale or restriction of use methods are employed, while ever fireworks are available the moron element will continue to obtain them. Regarding the two boys aged 12 and 13, legally they are of the age of criminal responsibility so it could be argued they have no one to blame but themselves.

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