PUB TERMINOLOGY

"YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME." (We won't be here long enough to get another round.)

"I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU." (Happy hour is about to end...beer is now £2.50 a bottle, but by the next round it'll be £4.50 a pop.)

"HEY, WHERE IS THAT GIRL FRIEND OF YOURS?" (I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to have sex with your girl friend.)

"I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF WHITE WINE."(FEMALE) (I'm easy.)

"I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF WHITE WINE." (MALE) (I'm gay.)

"I'LL HAVE A BACCARDI." (FEMALE) (I'm really easy.)

"I'LL HAVE A BACCARDI." (MALE) (I'm really gay.)

"I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (FEMALE) (You're paying more attention to your friends than to me.)

"I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (MALE) (I'm horny.)

"WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?" (I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I'm an expert at diverting attention.)

"EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE) (Get the hell out of the way.)

"EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE) (I'm going to grope you now and blame it on the crowd.)

"EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE) (Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of my way.)

"EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE) (Move your fat arse. Who do you think you are anyway? Coming in here dressed like a tart... and get your eyes off my man, or I'll slap you like the slut you are.)

"WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?" (What's cheap?)

"THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR." (Did I sleep with him/her?)

"CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (FEMALE) (I'm really annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)