How to be a woman
     
     
Bitch.

When asked "Is something bothering you?" reply "no" then get pissed off when you're believed.

Become attracted to someone because he's outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behaviour.

Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

Whine.

If you're trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost super-human level of daily achievemen. If he's trying to sleep it's because he is lazy.

No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.

If he pays attention to you, he's smothering you.

If he gives you space, he's ignoring you.

Complain.

Hate anything he likes.

Demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except when paying for meals, tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. these are required gifts proving his love.

Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.

Break into tears for no apparent reason.

Ask for help in some endeavour then become livid when it's given.
 
 

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