Swearing at Work
     
     

It has been brought to the managements attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers, therefore, a list of preferred new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

Preferred Phrase   Old Phrase
Perhaps I can work late?   When the fuck do you expect
me to do this?
I'm certain that's not feasible   No fucking way
Really?   You're fucking joking
Perhaps you should check   Tell someone who gives a shit
Of course I'm concerned   Ask me if I give a shit
I wasn't involved in that project   Its not my fucking problem
That's interesting behaviour   What the fuck?!?!
I'm not sure I can implement this   Fuck it, it won't work
Are you sure this is a problem?   Who the fuck cares?
He's not familiar with the problem   He's got his head up his arse
So you weren't happy with it?   Kiss my arse
I'm a bit overloaded at this moment   Fuck off, I'm busy
I don't think you understand   Shove it
I see   Bollocks!
I don't think this will be a problem   I really don't give a shit
He's somewhat insensitive   He's a prick
I think you could use more training   You don't know what the fuck
you're doing
 
 

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