It
has come to the attention of management that employees
have been found dying on the job and are either refusing
or neglecting to fall down. This practice must cease
forthwith, and any dead employee found in an upright
position will be removed from the payroll immediately.
If in future, a departmental manager notices that an
employee has not moved for an hour he will immediately
investigate the cause as for some employees it is
difficult to distinguish between death and natural
movement. A careful investigation should be made by
holding a salary cheque in front of the suspect corpse as
this is considered to be a very reliable test.
There have been, however, cases where natural instinct
has been so strong that the hand of the corpse has made
spasmodic clutches even after rigor mortis has set in.
The most successful test is to whisper "sick
leave". This has been known to revive a body that
has been dead for more than a week. This test should,
however, not be applied to departmental managers of whom
movement of any kind is rarely suspected.
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