Basic guide to pregnancy
     
     
Should I have a baby after 35?
No, 35 kids are enough.

I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after he finishes college.

What is the most common pregnancy craving?
For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
Childbirth.

The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
Because you're fatter than they are.

My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's completely irrational.
So what's your question?

My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

When is the best time to get an epidural?
Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
Not unless the word "divorce" means anything to you.

Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
Yes, pregnancy.

Do I have to have a baby shower?
Not if you change the baby's nappy very quickly.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids leave home.
 
 

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