King
Edmund died on the crapper. An assassin was hiding in the
toilet and as Edmund strained away he shoved his
longsword twice up his arse, killing him instantly.
In 1994 the Argentine police found a set of bones
belonging to a missing 19 year old beneath a Buenos Aires
building which was used by devil worshippers. The
occupants explained that they had ordered pizzas, but it
took so long to deliver that they decided to eat the
pizza delivery boy instead.
In September 1992, a homeless couple were injured when a
train hit them as they were shagging on a mattress on the
tracks at a New York subway station. The shit-for-brains
couple then had the nerve to file a lawsuit against the
Transit Authority for "carelessness, recklessness
and negligence". Their laywer told a newspaper that,
"homeless people are allowed to have sex too."
.
Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she
crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day but,
crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own
birthday party, her wheel chair was hit by the truck
delivering her birthday cake.
Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, was killed by his wife, armed
with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough
of her husband's strange sex practices and one night
during a prolonged period of "fun" she snapped,
pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus
until it ruptured several internal organs and caused
severe bleeding.
Peter Stone, 42 years old, was murdered by his eight year
old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no
dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't
have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72
rat poison tablets into her father's coffee as he
prepared dinner. The victim took one slip and promptly
collapsed (Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence
as the judge felt she didn't realize what she was doing,
until she tried to poison her mother using the same
method one month later).
David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girlfriend
Charla after he attempted to "have his way with
her". His unwelcome advances were met with a prompt
kick in the chest and then two shots from a doubled
barrelled shot gun Charla's father had given to her an
hour before the date started, just in case.
Megan Fri, 44 years old, was killed by 14 state troopers
after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town
simulation. Seeing the troopers all walking slow down the
street, Megan jumped out in front of them and yelled,
"Boo!" The troopers, thinking she was a pop up
target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them
hitting their target. "She just looked like a very
real looking target," one of the troopers stated in
his report
Mahmood Foli, 22 years old, was killed by an unknown
member of the Russian Mafia after he accidentally took
away the gangster's drink too soon at the nightclub he
worked in. The gangster was so upset that he forced the
waiter to drink over 27 litres of Coca Cola (the drink he
had taken away) until Mahmood drowned.
Helena Simms, wife of the famous American Nuclear
Scientist Harold Simms, was killed by her husband after
she had an affair with the neighbour. Over a period of
three months, Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow with
a uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until
she died of radiation poisoning. Although she suffered
many symptoms, including total hair loss,skin welts,
blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop
off, the victim never attended a doctor's surgery or
hospital for a check up.
Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his "two
timing wife" by loading her car with Trintynitrate
explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was
driving was filled with 750 kilograms of explosive,
forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma
Bombing. The explosion was witnessed by several persons,
some up to 14 kilometres away. No trace of the car or the
victim were ever found, only a 55 metre deep crater and
500 metres of missing road.
Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbour
in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbour,
Falt Hame, for years had a mounted F6 phantom jet engine
in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at
a empty building at the back of his property. Patty
Winter would constantly complain to the local police
about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame
was served with a notice to remove the engine
immediately. Not liking this, he invited Miss Winter over
"for a cup of coffee and a chat" about the
whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had
changed the position of the engine. As she walked into
the yard, he activated it, hitting her with a blast of
5000 degrees, killing her instantly, and forever burning
her outline into the driveway.
Gail Queens, 23 years old, was killed by her zoo keeper
boyfriend Matthew Kellaway after she refused sex. He
'invited her' to the zoo to see the lions feeding, and at
feeding time led her into a room that had a large slide
away panel. He explained to her that it was a large glass
viewing window to watch the lions devour their prey. He
'ducked out for a quick smoke' and locked her in the
room. Suddenly the slide away panel opened to reveal many
people staring at her. She was just about to yell and
tell them that they were on the wrong side of the glass
when she realized that it was her on the wrong side.
Another panel opened and three hungry lions were let into
the pen. Gail survived for two days in hospital before
dying of massive internal injuries.
A bad diet and a room with no ventilation are blamed for
the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There
was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large
amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had
consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of
other things). It was just the right combination of
foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from
breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his
bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened,
it wouldn't have been fatal, but the man was shut up in
his near airtight bedroom. Three of the rescuers got sick
and one was hospitalized.
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