The Moron Guide

Pedestrians, Joggers and Cyclists Rules

Walk or jog in the middle of the road, even though you have a footpath.

Whenever possible, jog or walk at night. Always wear dark clothes when you do this.

If you're walking your dog, make sure the lead is long enough for the dog to be on the road, even if you're on the footpath.

If you own a home with a front lawn, make sure the water sprinkler gets anyone wet who tries to walk or pass your house.

Bicycles do not have to obey motor vehicle rules. Feel free to speed through red lights.

Adult cyclists should ride on the pavement whenever possible.

Everyone knows that pedestrians ALWAYS have the right of way. So, step directly in front of a moving car the split second it approaches.

Make sure the reflectors are missing off your bicycle.

Never ride your bicycle on the correct side of the road.

When biking on a main road, weave from side to side.

The best place to learn to do bicycle stunts like "wheelies" is on a busy road.

When walking your dog and see an approaching jogger, allow your dog to sniff the other persons crotch.

Never use hand signals when riding a bike in traffic.

Make abrupt turns and swerves on your bike.

When crossing a street, never look before stepping into the road. However, if your kids do the same thing, grab them by the hair and scream at them.

When a vehicle at an intersection is waiting for you to cross, take your time so that the driver misses the green light.

When walking back to your car in a shopping centre, walk with your whole family side by side down the middle of the aisle so that cars have to drive at 1 mph behind you. When the drivers honk, give them a dirty look, because you have the right of way.

When walking your dog, allow it to defecate on other peoples lawn.

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