Men Talk
     
     
"I can't find it"
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

"That's women's work"
MEANS: it's difficult, dirty, and thankless.

"Will you marry me?"
MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there's no food left.

"It's a guy thing."
MEANS: there's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

"Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: why isn't it already on the table?

"It would take too long to explain"
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.

"I'm getting more exercise lately"
MEANS: the batteries in the remote are dead.

"We're going to be late."
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.

"Take a break, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the TV over the vacuum cleaner.

"That's interesting."
MEANS: are you still talking?

"We don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

"You expect too much from me."
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?

"It's really a good film."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women.

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
MEANS: the girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, and was wearing a thong.

"Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.

"I heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.

"I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.

"I don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.
 
 

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