Truths about men
     
     
Q. Why did God give men penises?
A. So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q. What's the difference between a pay cheque and your dick?
A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your pay cheque.

Q. How is a woman like a laxative?
A. They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
A. Lipstick.

Q. Why do women have tits?
A. So men will talk to them.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?
A. You come in one and go in the other.

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
A. Money.

Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence, and finally...

Q. Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A. When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.

Q: What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?
A: A candlelit football stadium.

Q: What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching its arse and the other's a chimpanzee.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their arse and cause a vapour lock.

Q: Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born?
A: To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Q: What's that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A: The man.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What do an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A: Men always miss them.

Q: What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A: Sex.

Q: What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
A: When the power goes off.

Q: What do men and women have in common?
A: They both distrust men.

Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A: His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Q: How is a man like the weather?
A: Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Q: What's the difference between a man and childbirth?
A: One can be painful and almost unbearable, the other is just having a baby.

Q: What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A: Slow.

Q: What's the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A: They're married.

Q: What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
A: An insurance company.

Q: Why don't men often show their true feelings?
A: Because they don't have any.

Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A: So oxygen can get to their brains.

Q: What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
A: Castrated.
 
 

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