The 3 R's
Remember these words:
REPETITION
REPETITION
REPETITION
It
doesn’t matter how many times you tell a customer
something, it will need to be repeated. At least 3 times.
Manners
Customers don’t have any. Don’t expect
politeness, patience or thanks. If you do, then
you’ll be disappointed. Oh, and watch out for
Saturdays. Think of the worst customer possible, and then
imagine having that customer over and over again for the
duration of your shift. That’s a Saturday.
Customer
Service
Simply a phrase that means being nice to people. Despite
all the crap you have to take from a customer, it's
important to be nice and helpful. Ignore this however, if
you're leaving your job shortly. In this case, give as
much back as possible.
Mystery
Shopper
Mystery shoppers are the devil sent down from hell (Head
Office) to test you on your customer service skills and
suchlike. Fortunately you can alway tell who they are
using these handy hints:
Foreign
accent
Mystery shoppers usually sport a dodgy foreign
accent.
Poor dress sense
In order to blend in with your usual customers,
mystery shoppers dress like scrubbers.
Request
Mystery shoppers will either ask for the blatantly
obvious, or something that not even God has heard of.
So in
short, you're looking for a foreign speaking scrubber who
is either asking for something they're standing in front
of, or after some bizarre product only they have heard
of.
Revenge
When a customer asks you to help them say
"that's his department" and point to someone
who doesn't even work in the store. Then go and hide so
they can't find you. Works really well in big retail
stores.
When a customer asks where something is, make sure to
mention that it's right next to the condoms or tampons in
a loud enough voice so everyone hears.
Hand the customer the wrong receipt whenever possible. If
they don't notice, it makes it a real bitch if they have
to return the item.
When a customer asks "where's your toilet",
reply "down the hall from my bedroom but why do you
need to know that" and then walk off.
When a customer asks if you can split £20, take the note
from them, rip it in half and hand it back to them.
When placing items in a customers bag, give their bread a
hard 'squeeze' when it's hidden in the bag.
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