OLD TESTAMENT
In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, God got tired
of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of
fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and, throughout history,
they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by
a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread, which is bread made without any
ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterward,
Moses went upon Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the
apple.
The Fifth Commandment is humour thy mother and father.
The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached the UK.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his
son to stand still, and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
King David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people
who lived in the Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700
porcupines.
NEW TESTAMENT
When Mary
heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the
Magna Carta.
When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they
found Jesus in the manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an emasculate
contraption.
St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to
others before they do one to you. He also explained,
"Man doth not live by sweat alone."
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12
decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by
profession a taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy
acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
According to the Bible, a Christian should have only one
wife. This is called monotony.
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