|
||
Barbecues |
||
|
||
Barbecues |
||
| Invitations These must be handed out at the last possible moment, and may include anyone the host meets at the pub after football practice. It's vital that the hostess should be oblivious as to how many people will actually attend, making it impossible to adequately cater for the event. It's a fact that most hosts enjoy the last-minute dash to the shops for more bread rolls, tomato sauce or butter. Upon Arrival Guests are expected to park their cars in such a fashion as to cause maximum inconvenience to their hosts. This includes parking across a neighbour's driveway and parking across a newly laid lawn or herb garden. It's also customary to park so as to block the access of fire engines. Neighbours Of course neighbours have a great role to play in the backyard barbecue. They can greatly enhance the ambience of the event by firing up a lawn-mower or chainsaw after guests have assembled. They may also take this occasion to indulge in a spot of nude sunbathing for the entertainment of any children under 12 who may be attending. The Menu Guests who plan to "bring a plate" should always check with the hostess to ensure they double up on what has already been provided. An offering of five green bean salads and no coleslaw or potato salad is perfectly acceptable. Any sweet dishes, such as an expensive, shop-purchased cheesecake or a specially prepared pavlova, should be left in the back of the refrigerator so the hostess may discover it after the last guest has departed. The Fire The centrepiece of every barbecue is, of course, the fire and without it, one is simply dining "al fresco" or having a "picnic". The fire adds the element of danger and drama and it's well accepted that Australians just don't feel they've put in a full day unless they have a life-threatening brush with the elements. The fire should be lit exactly two hours after most guests have expressed that they're hungry. The male host is usually nominated as "fire master" and before the guests arrive, he will have collected and assembled a woefully inadequate collection of wet and green sticks which will catch alight only after being liberally doused with petrol. All children under 10 should be equipped with a red-hot stick with which to torment pets and smaller siblings. Women may offer assistance with the fire only once it's been established that the initial blaze has been reduced to a smouldering pile of newspaper, ring-pulls and cigarette packets. Departure The barbecue is officially finished when the beer runs out or the pizza's delivered ... whichever occurs soonest. |
