This project will
cost between £5,000 and £30,000, depending on how fancy
you want the final product to be. Since last week's
column, "Let's Make a Time Machine", was
received so well in the new step-by-step format, this
month's column will follow the same format.
CONSTRUCTION
METHOD
First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of weapons grade
Plutonium at your local supplier. A nuclear power plant
is not recommended, as large quantities of missing
Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy. We
suggest that you contact your local terrorist
organization.
Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined
Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with
soap and warm water after handling the material, and
don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat
it. Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent as an
insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a
lead box if you can find one in your local junk yard, but
an old coffee can will do nicely.
1) Fashion
together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most
common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to
disguise this enclosure as, for example, a briefcase,
a lunch box, or a Ford Escort. Do not use tinfoil.
2) Arrange the
Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated by
about 4 cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium
dust together.
3)
Now get about 100 pounds (220 kg) of
trinitrotoluene (TNT). Gelignite is much better, but
messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man will
be happy to provide you with this item.
4) Pack the TNT
around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step
4. If you cannot find Gelignite, fell free to use TNT
packed in with Play-Doh or any modelling clay.
Coloured clay is acceptable, but there is no need to
get fancy at this point.
5)
Enclose the structure from step 6 into
the enclosure made in step 3. Use a strong glue such
as "Crazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere
arrangement against the enclosure to prevent
accidental detonation which might result from
vibration or mishandling.
6) To detonate
the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo
mechanism, as found in RC model aeroplanes and cars.
With a modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be
made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a
small explosion. These detonatior caps can be found
in the electrical supply section of your local
supermarket. We recommend the
"Blast-O-Mactic" brand because they are no
deposit-no return.
7) Now hide the
completed device from the neighbours and children.
The garage is not recommended because of high
humidity and the extreme range of temperatures
experienced there. Nuclear devices have been known to
spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions.
The hall closet or under the kitchen sink will be
perfectly suitable.
Now you
are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! It
is a great ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch, can be
used for national defence.
THEORY
OF OPERATION
The device basically works when the detonated TNT
compresses the Plutonium into a critical mass. The
critical mass then produces a nuclear chain reaction
similar to the domino chain reaction. The chain reaction
then promptly produces a big thermonuclear reaction. And
there you have it, a 10 megaton explosion!
In next month's column, we will learn how to clone your
neighbour's wife in six easy steps. This project promises
to be an exciting weekend full of fun and profit. Common
kitchen utensils will be all you need. See you next
month!
NOTES
Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive
metallic element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is
similar in chemical structure to Uranium, Saturium,
Jupiternium, and Marisum.
PREVIOUS
MONTH'S COLUMNS
Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
Let's Make an Economic Recession! July, 1979
Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September,
1979
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