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SOUND MARRIAGE
Victoria Beckham's mother, Jackie Adams, denied reports that her daughter's marriage to David Beckham, was in crisis, following 'blazing rows', during Euro 2004. Must be true then!
GOOD IDEA
Dog shit will be sprayed pink so pedestrians can avoid stepping in it in Hertsmere, Herts.
IMPORTANT SCIENCE PROJECT
Scientists at Surrey University have invented 'memory' specs that record whatever the wearer sees. They then play back images on a screen to help the user remember things they've forgotten. A spokesman said, "A car mechanic, for instance, could find at a glance where a part on a car is." But, any half decent mechanic is unlikely to forget where parts are on a car. Remember, these boffins are 'scientists'.
WPC NANCY
A life-sized figure of a woman cop with a Gatso gun caused a big drop in vehicles breaking a 30mph limit. Stella Anderson named her scarecrow Nancy which stands in Stella’s garden in Middleton-in-Teesdale, Co Durham. Police warned of the dangers of drivers staring at Nancy, and said Stella could face prosecution if the dummy “contributes to a road accident”.
NAME CHANGE
Somerfields have dropped their radio advert for Faggots after receiving THREE complaints from gays who objected to the term 'faggots' being used.

Media watchdog Ofcom ruled the term faggot was “highly derogatory”. Suppose they'll now have to change the name of their 'Cheesy Puffs' and 'mince' as well!
HUMAN LIFE DOESN'T COUNT
A truck driver who hit and killed a family of four through careless driving, was fined £1,000. The penalty for not having a TV licence is.......£1,000.
       



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BRITISH WORKMANSHIP
Line-painters didn't bother cleaning up the gutter of dirt and filling potholes - they just went around them. Cornwall County Council was forced to issue a grovelling apology to Newquay locals for their contractors’ shoddy work. The wavy line was later removed before workers tidied up and filled the holes to prepare for a proper job. (
picture) Road workers painted a white line straight over the back of a dead badger which was lying by the side of a main road. Somerset council had given the marking job to a private contractor. A spokesman said, “This is totally unacceptable and we will be asking for an explanation.” (picture) A month previously workmen painted yellow lines around a traffic cone in Huddersfield, West Yorks. (picture)

NHS STILL NOT WORKING
Teenager Elliot Knott, who is in constant pain after injuring his back in an ice skating accident, is travelling to India for treatment as he would have to wait more than a year on the NHS. Southampton General Hospital said he would get an appointment in 17 weeks' time and would then have to wait nine months for an op. The hospital said, "Staff who have these specialised skills are in short supply." To go private in the UK would cost about £25,000 whereas the same treatment in India costs around £3,000.

HARD WORK, THIS GLOBAL WARMING
A city's grass cutters threatened to strike because global warming has pushed up their work load. As temperatures and rainfall have increased they are being ordered to work 44-hour weeks throughout the summer to cope with faster-growing grass. More than 30 staff claim their new contracts, up from 37 hours to 44 hour, are the equivalent of a six-day week. They will work a 30-hour four-day week in winter. Mick Walsh, a charge-hand whose team tends open spaces, and soccer pitches in Carlisle, said, "We used to work from 7.30am to 3.30pm. Now we have to work until 5pm from Monday to Thursday, and till 4pm on Friday, and people are getting tired."

WHAT A BALLS UP!
David Walker went home for a sawn-off shotgun after spending an evening in the pub arguing with an old pal about whose turn it was to buy a beer. He stuffed the gun down his trousers and, after drinking 15 pints of lager, the gun went off, blowing away his nuts.

After the shotgun had discharged, he placed it in a rubbish bin and crawled back to his home address. Walker underwent emergency surgery following the incident and there are still pellets embedded within the scrotum area of his body. He'd bought the gun for just £15 four years previously for his own protection. He was sentenced to five years in prison.

CUSTOMS AND EXCISE ARE IN TROUBLE
Brussels has accused British Customs of disproportionate tactics in tackling people bringing excessive amounts of alcohol and tobacco into the UK. The UK Government has been told it has two months to satisfy the commission its approach is not in breach of EU or face legal action. A spokesman for the Treasury responded by saying that the UK Government would not be 'lectured' by someone 'pretending to be a friend of the British tourist'.

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY
A full-scale 999 rescue costing £5,000 was launched to save a £20 toy plane. Two cops, 12 coastguards and four lifeboat crew were scrambled when the balsa wood glider was spotted 200ft up a cliff. Officials defended the costly operation, which was launched despite the toy’s owner not even reporting it lost, by saying, "A child MIGHT have risked climbing the perilous cliffs to get it."

BLAIR'S NANNY STATE
Tony Blair denied he was turning Britain into a 'nanny state' and said it was not his job to tell people how to live their lives. This is despite his government pushing ahead to ban public smoking, smacking children and certain forms of junk food advertising.

INTEGRATION
Schoolgirl Shabina Begum lost her High Court battle for the right to wear traditional Muslim dress in the classroom. She said she was being denied her "right to education and to manifest her religious beliefs" by not wearing the gown. Shabina's solicitor-advocate Yvonne Spencer said her client was devastated at the news and added, "The family feel this decision doesn't help integrate Muslims within our society." But surely, wearing the school uniform would help achieve this and if you don't like the school uniform, choose another school. You can't really have everyone wearing their own traditional costume, can you?

TIME TO CHANGE
Safety campaigners are calling for British summertime to be maintained all year round. Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (Rospa) said 450 serious deaths and injuries occur during each year's five months of Greenwich Mean Time (GMT). Instead, they want to keep to British Summer Time (BST) in winter and change to "double summertime" between March and October. This was first tested between 1968 and 1971, with figures suggesting a reduction in deaths and serious injuries of about 2,500 each year. Despite this, MPs voted against permanent change. The trial between 1968 and 1971 was not adopted because objections were raised by the farming and construction industries and others involved in outdoor work. So how would it be different this time?

MOVING CLOSER TO A POLICE STATE
Mark Mower reduced his speed to 5mph to drive over speed humps outside a school. A police van behind turned on its blue lights and stopped him before an officer declared, "You were going too slowly." Mark was then given a verbal caution and sent on his way. A police spokesman later said they would send him a letter of apology and added, "Our officer felt Mr Mower's car may have been obstructing his vehicle."

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