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I
WONDER IF....
A minister must pay £75 to put a wooden
cross outside his church because it constitutes
an advertisement. Paul Nzacahayo wanted to erect
a cross outside the Dudley Wood Methodist Church
in the West Midlands, which is being converted
from an old school building. When he approached
Dudley council about planning permission, he was
told that under current legislation a cross was
an advert for the Christian faith and so needed
to be paid for. Mr Nzacahayo, superintendent
minister at the Overend Methodist Mission, said,
"The cross is a symbol of our faith and to
say it is an advert is getting the wrong end of
the stick completely." A council spokesman
said, "Crosses are defined as advertisements
in the Town and Country Planning Act 1990.
(Source: Daily Telegraph, Mar/06)
POOR
OLD BECKHAM
David Beckham said he feels so old that
he struggles to get out of bed, even though
he’s only 30. The super-fit soccer star ,
who's worth millions, also admitted he has
started having to watch his weight. Anyone feel
sorry for him?
GRAVY
TRAIN
MPs are claiming almost £120,000 a year
on top of their £56,358 salaries and use this to
help pay off homes worth hundreds of thousands of
pounds. The total for all MPs in 2003 was
£78million. The taxpayers’ bill for some
MPs tops £200,000 a year once their pension
contributions of £13,526 are added in. Mileage
allowances at 57.7p a mile are double the rate
for most businessmen and receipts are rarely
required. When questioned, one Labour MP said,
"It has nothing to do with you." Oh,
really?
CANNABIS
Scientists have announced that cannabis
DOES ease pain in multiple sclerosis sufferers.
Patients were given cannabis extract dronabinol
pills or identical placebo tablets. After three
weeks those who took the Class C drug said they
felt "significantly" less pain. And
they also said they had a much better quality of
life. This is exactly what MS sufferers have been
saying for years.
The study in Denmark concluded that cannabis had
a "modest but clear" effect on pain. A
spokesman for the Multiple Sclerosis Society
said, "This is more evidence that cannabis
derivatives can have a significant effect on the
symptoms of MS. We believe there is now
sufficient evidence for medications, that are not
just effective but safe, to be made available on
the NHS."
ONLY IN
BRITAIN......
Michael and Vincent Hickey spent 18
years in jail branded "child killers"
over the murder of newspaper boy Carl
Bridgewater. Their convictions were quashed, with
Michael being given £990,000 compensation and
Vincent £506,220. But the Appeal Court in London
ruled both must pay back 25% of the "loss of
earnings" portion of their awards, £60,000
each, for living expenses they would have
incurred had they been free men.
CARRY ON
SMUGGLING
Convicted drug smugglers are getting
day-release from jail to work with Customs
officers. One of the convicts bragged, "It's
a joke. Most of us have been done for drug
offences and they've chosen to put us to work
here of all places. We now know exactly how cargo
is checked and could easily make sure a drug
consignment gets through."
A MOTHERS
LOVE
A mother waited 41 days for her injured
son to come out of a coma. She leaned forward to
hear her son whisper his first words since
cheating death in a car crash. He said,
"fuck off."
MIND YOUR
LANGUAGE
Cooks at the House of Commons were told
not to copy the foul-mouthed rants of Hell’s
Kitchen chef Gordon Ramsay. A source said,
“Catering staff have been told to be on
their best behaviour at all times. We don’t
want anybody aping the antics of Gordon Ramsay
here. While that might make good telly, it’s
not acceptable in the Palace of
Westminster.”
Commons catering director Sue Harrison said,
“Staff must be careful how they behave,
particularly in areas where they can be seen or
overheard by customers. We would remind them of
things, particularly when they are
customer-facing, such as not shouting or using
bad language or anything like that.”
Labour MP Dennis Turner, chairman of the Commons
catering committee, added, “We have every
confidence our staff won’t emulate Gordon
Ramsay and what goes on in his supposed kitchen.
We want reality dining, not reality TV.”
Politicians are so sensitive and out of touch
with the real world, they would be destroyed if
spoken to in an abrupt manner.
SUE FOR
EVERYTHING
Experts claim that unscrupulous “No
Win, No Fee” firms have identified the
education sector as a potentially major new
source of cash. The warning has been raised by
ALARM, the National Forum for Risk Management in
the Public Sector, which asseses risks for
councils and police forces.
Chairman Bob Cope said, “Unfortunately in
today’s compensation-hungry society, the
risk of negligence claims is growing all the
time. I fear sunstroke, sunburn or simply
dehydration could spark claims.” Many school
staff have been advised to provide pupils with
protective headwear during warm weather to guard
against sunburn.
WORTHY
CAUSE?
London is to get a gay museum, paid for
by lottery money. The idea of the museum was
first suggested by the Green Party's only gay
candidate, Darren Johnson, who said he wanted to
'enhance London's role as a world-class
gay-friendly city' and the museum would
'celebrate queer history and culture'. (What the
hell is gay culture?).
Mr Johnson's other plans include legalising the
practice of gay men 'cruising' for potential
partners in public parks and reserving a seat on
the Metropolitan Police Authority for gay
campaigners. Both Labour's Ken Livingstone and
the Torie's Steve Norris have given their backing
for the museum. Homosexuality will soon become
compulsory.
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