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SEX? WHAT'S THAT?
A couple who went to an IVF fertility clinic after eight years of marriage, and paid £7,000 to find out why they could not have kids, were shocked to find out they needed to have SEX.

The German couple attended the University Clinic of Lubek and had a series of examinations, which showed they were both fertile. A clinic spokesman said, "When we asked them how often they had had sex, they looked blank, and said, 'What do you mean?'.

They seemed to think that lying next to each other at night in their bedclothes would somehow miraculously produce a child." He said the couple had read up about in-vitro fertilisation treatment but believed it was something to do with a "turkey baster, a mattress and a woman standing on her head." And these people are allowed to vote!
UN-SAFE SAFE-SEX
Tests have shown that 29 out of 32 different types of condoms contain the carcinogen N-Nitrosamine, a cancer causing chemical. According to researchers, men who use the condoms daily would be exposed to N-Nitrosamine levels three times higher than those found naturally in food.
JOB INTERVIEWER ON THE BALL
A man was sacked after just one day at work because his face is festooned with 33 rings and studs. Mark Green claims he was treated unfairly after being told not to return to work as a brewery drayman on health and safety grounds. Were these rings and studs not noticed before he was given the job in the first place?
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thirty-one people were electrocuted as they watered christmas trees with the lights plugged in. At least four people a year break arms pulling christmas crackers and five were hurt in one year alone by out-of-control model cars. Eighteen people were seriously burnt in one year trying on new pullovers while smoking, and an astonishing 543 drinkers were hurt in two years opening bottles with their teeth.
EXCESS PROFIT
Scottish Power announced it was increasing its gas prices by 15% and electricity by 8%, the day after it reported an increase in profits of 95%.
       



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JUMPING THE QUEUE
Retired salesman Graham Bradley, who lives yards from an NHS hospital, flew to Germany for a hernia op because he faced a nine-month wait here. Mr Bradley, of Tunbridge Wells, Kent, paid £900 for the op, flights and accommodation. An NHS Trust spokesman said, "Waiting times are based on clinical need." (Source:
Sunday People, Mar/06)

CONTROLLING PUBLIC ORDER
The Licensing Act introduced in 2005 means that Punch and Judy shows need a special licence to perform on seaside promenades, in parks and other venues, at a cost of up to £160 each. Tory MP Peter Luff said, "The Licensing Act was meant to be about controlling public order... the only threat to public order from these shows is faced by Mr Punch's victims who get bashed over the head." (Source:
Sunday Mirror, Feb/06)

INTERNET POLICING
More than 200,000 hits to hardcore internet child porn sites were blocked by BT in the first three weeks of a new crackdown. Their multi-million pound technology, which stops nearly 12,000 perverted inquiries a week, is now being offered by BT to other service providers. A spokesman for BT, which has 2.5million internet customers, said they would discuss with the Home Office and police whether people logging on to paedophile sites should be identified. Home Office minister Paul Goggins said he hoped other providers would use their blocking technology.

Judy Mallaber, the Labour MP for Amber Valley, met executives from credit card company Visa and internet payment company Paypal to explore what measures they could take to clamp down on the problem of child pornography websites. Ms Mallaber wants to get credit card companies to initiate better technology that would see cards automatically identify when a user is trying to pay for access to a prohibited site, and refuse to accept the transaction. Commendable as this is, just how long will it be before other sites, which are deemed unsuitable by the authorities, are blocked? This is internet policing and could be the beginning of further restrictions.

GETTING TOUGH
A pervert who kept more than 5,600 child porn images escaped jail, after a judge ruled prison would TRAUMATISE him. Gary Evans was arrested as part of the Operation Ore police crackdown after his credit card details were found on a US website. Police discovered 5,633 indecent images of children on his computer, including 174 showing adults having sex with youngsters, which is the second most serious category. But Judge Gareth Hawksworth took pity on him after hearing he lived “in a world of his own” and needed treatment. He told Evans at Chelmsford Crown Court, Essex, “This case causes considerable anxiety. Your collection demonstrates an obsession and sexual interest in children.”

The judge said he could have jailed him for 15 months, but instead issued a three-year community rehabilitation order. He told Evans, “I believe prison will traumatise you. You need rehabilitation instead.” Neighbours in Evans’ home town of Braintree branded the sentence a “joke” saying, "The judge should be more concerned with childrens’ welfare than that of an offender.” Evans was placed on the sex offenders’ register. But an Essex police source said, “It is incredible that he isn’t behind bars.”

IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER
A drug addict who committed up to 50 offences each week, was given free £50-a-month membership of the Esporta health club in Taunton, Somerset, where he will have access to a 20-metre swimming pool, first-class gym, steam room, sauna, and hydro-pool. The town's Tory MP Adrian Flook said, "It's an insult to victims of these crimes." John Wiseman, assistant chief probation officer for Avon and Somerset, defended the action by saying, "Some will see this as rewarding bad behaviour. I view it as helping someone reintegrate." The lunatics really are running the asylum.

CHEMICALS ARE A THREAT TO CHILDREN
A report by the World Wildlife Fund claims that 70,000 man-made chemicals in everyday objects such as TV's, videos, computers, soft furnishings and car seats, are stopping children's brains from developing properly. The WWF said that poorer memory, reduced visual recognition, decreased movement skills and lower IQ scores have been recorded as a result.

An extensive survey of baby foods has found they contain worrying levels of disease-causing microbes. Of most concern was the presence of a bacterium called Enterobacter sakazakii, which has been linked to a handful of fatal outbreaks of meningitis at children's hospitals in the US and Europe.

ANOTHER BRIGHT IDEA
An idea to set up a school in Bangladesh for children from Manchester can not go ahead because of funding. The city council was considering a plan to teach Asian children who were visiting the country during term time and missing out on lessons back home. Manchester council leader Richard Leese said the £100,000 required for the project was not available. The school would be situated close to Sylhet in north west Bangladesh, in an area with strong links to Manchester's Bengali community.

If children were staying close to the school they would be expected to attend every day, it was claimed, and pupils based further away would be allowed to go once or twice a week and take more work to complete at home. Councillor Leese said, "We welcome innovative thinking in trying to tackle problems such as attendance but there has been no formal discussion about this particular idea within Manchester City Council. It is highly unlikely that this project will happen and there is certainly no provision for it within the Council's budget."

The Secondary Heads Association, which represents head teachers at senior schools, reportedly praised the idea as "imaginative".

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