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INCONSISTENT
Michael Jackson was given permission to enter Britain to promote a new CD despite facing child sex charges. Deputy PM John Prescott was surprised US authorities had agreed to let Jackson travel saying, "I wonder if it would happen to an ordinary person who said, 'I want to go to England to visit my mum'. But that's their administration, not ours. We always make a presumption in this country that a man is innocent until proved guilty." Unless, of course, the man is bringing booze and cigs through customs.
COMPO
A teacher, who effectively did the splits after slipping in a puddle of liquid in a Tesco store, won £95,000 compensation. Hilary Ball suffered spine and leg injuries and was forced to quit her job as head of arts at a leading girls’ school. Miss Ball had claimed £240,000 compensation but she settled out of court for £95,000....
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CHANGE OF IMAGE
Traders in Blackpool are being urged to sign up to the Quality Management Initiative which would see the end of explicit T-shirts and inflatable boobs and bums. Sex toys, toy guns and knives are also among items classed as “undesirable” under a new code aimed at improving the 'tacky' image of the resort. It even goes as far as urging shops to ditch unsightly advertising boards and get staff to dress smartly.
WE WANT OUT
Eight out of ten Brits would like to emigrate, according to a poll conducted by Earth Properties Abroad. Half are fed up with the high cost of living and others want to escape the dismal weather and crumbling public services. A spokesman said, "While many dream of living in the sun, the amount of disillusionment with Britain is surprising." Really?
BUGGED
Lollipop men and women in Somerset are to swap their bright yellow jackets for orange uniforms because they are being plagued by bugs. Patrols have complained that tiny black insects are attracted to the traditional high visibility clothing. Bath and North East Somerset Council has ordered orange uniforms to trial over the summer.
TOO LOUD
Motorist Brian Davidson was stunned when a cop fined him £30 for playing his car radio too loudly. Brian was tuned in to dance music on Radio 1 when he passed a police car in his street. As he parked up the officer booked him for “unnecessary noise”. Police said, “It is an offence to play music too loudly in a car.” Well, it's easier than catching joy-riders.
       



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TAGGING MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A CRIMINAL
DVD pirate Joanne Dunn escaped being tagged by a court after claiming it would make her look like a criminal. She moaned that the electronic device on her ankle would prevent her going out in a skirt... even though she turned up for the hearing in trousers. Euro MP Martin Callanan responded, "There should be no discrimination in sentencing just because somebody wears a skirt instead of trousers. Nothing stops a woman wearing trousers. If you were Scottish would you not be tagged because you wore a kilt? If the woman was that keen not to wear a tag she should not have committed the offence in the first place." Dunn admitted 12 charges of DVD piracy and was fined £500 with £5,000 costs, to be paid at £25 a week. (Source:
Daily Mirror, Feb/06)

DANGEROUS PAPER SHREDDERS
The journal Paediatrics reports that home paper shredders are creating a danger for young children. It claims some children are badly injuring their fingers, sometimes resulting in amputation. Most of the injured children are under the age of six. Either they stumble on to the machine or put their fingers into the mechanism, triggering the cutting action, as they try to imitate their parents' use of it. One of the main suppliers of shredders in Britain has started sending safety warnings to customers. Manufacturers have been called upon to make shredders safer and to display clear warnings on them. They said parents should keep shredders unplugged and out of reach and never allow children to use them even under supervision. What happened to common-sense? (Source:
Daily Telegraph, Feb/06)

A PARTING GIFT
Sacked Walkers factory workers got a leaving gift from bosses, a bag of the firm’s product worth 36p. Most of the 250 staff axed by Walkers binned the crisps in disgust and one said, “I couldn’t believe they could be so insensitive. It’s bad enough being out of a job and this rubbed salt into the wound.” (Source:
The Sun, Feb/06)

PERVERTED SYSTEM
After being beaten unconscious in his shop, Brian Conn provided the name, address and a picture of the thug from his computer records. One would think that the police would have been grateful and that the culprit would now be awaiting a prison sentence. Instead he is still free, while Mr Conn faces possible prosecution for breaching data protection laws. Little wonder that the public demands a
'Tony Martin' law to give a householder the right to defend what is his. Not a system that perversely prosecutes the victim instead of the perpetrator of crime.

A FAIRER FUTURE?
Launching a major consultation exercise about the challenges facing the country, Tony Blair said that there is a limit to the burden that taxpayers can bear (like £6MILLION a year to subsidise the bar in Parliament), and that people may have to accept they will need to pay for the services they choose to use (don't they now?). The move could pave the way for a nationwide system of road pricing, under which motorists could be charged for every mile they drive on motorways at peak periods and a flat-rate fee for entering town and city centres.

In a speech to Labour's national policy forum, Mr Blair said, "In today's world, the Government can't do it all. What governments should do is be honest about what the choices are." Downing Street sees widening the scope for charging consumers of public services as a way of meeting the growing pressures for improvements and avoiding a black hole in the Government's finances in the next few years. But ministers have admitted privately that extending charges could provoke a backlash from middle-class taxpayers.

A document published, called 'A Future Fair For All - The Big Conversation', says that the Government will not bring in user charges for health and education. The document lists more than 100 questions for voters, and surveys to find out people's priorities will be sent to 500,000 homes. The public can take part via a website (
www.bigconversation.org.uk) and by sending e-mails and text messages.

The questions listed in the document include how to rebalance the criminal justice in favour of victims and witnesses (they don't know?), whether the sick and disabled should have more responsibility to find work and whether single parents should be offered better child care, training and family-friendly hours in return for more responsibility to work.

NOT VERY GROWN-UP
Businessman Alby Tebbutt was furious when fellow councillor Joe Webster pointed the pencil at him during heated talks, and tried to knock it out of his hand. He caught Mr Webster's face, leaving HIM so angry that he has complained to police about the clash over school closure plans at a private meeting. Mr Tebbutt, a member of Tory controlled Havering Council, Essex, for 21 years, said, "In my view, a pencil pointed at my face is an offensive weapon. I didn't mean to hit him but as I knocked the pencil from his hand the end of my fingers caught his face. I believe this altercation has led to Joe Webster making a formal complaint to police."

The bust-up between the senior and respected Tories of Havering Council, Essex, has left party members reeling. One Conservative source said, "Things were really hotting up at the meeting and there was a lot of shouting. Everything then exploded and got out of hand." Tempers flared when Mr Tebbutt, a member of the council for 21 years, went against Tory cabinet members on the council by saying he was prepared to join a protest march to keep open a local school. Mr Tebbutt, who gets a special responsibility allowance of £27,900, is now thought to face moves to strip him of his powers as chairman of regulatory services.

But the veteran Tory, who is also deputy president of Romford Conservative Association, said, "I will not be resigning over this issue. Local children are too important to allow a simple disagreement between two members to interfere with their future." Mr Webster, who speaks on education in the council's cabinet, said he had written to local government watchdogs about the incident. "Because I have done this I cannot say anything else," he added. Chief Supt Andrew Kay said, "Police are investigating an incident at Havering town hall. There are a number of witnesses to be interviewed and the investigation is being carried out expediently."

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