YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN...

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the beginning of one.

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You keep repeating yourself.

You keep repeating yourself.

Your kids begin to look middle-aged.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Your favourite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

You find yourself listening to talk radio.

You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.

The pattern on your shorts and sofa match.

You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.

You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.

You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.

You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.

Grass is something you cut, not cultivate.

Jogging is something you do to your memory.

All the cars behind you flash their headlights.

You remember the "Rolling Stones".

You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new shoes.

You actually ASK for your father's advice.

You don't know how to operate a fax machine.

People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

You can live without sex but not without glasses.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Saturday mornings are for sleeping.

Christmas starts to piss you off.

You once thought Space Invaders was "The best game ever".

Playboy's Playmate of the month is younger than you.

You actually buy scarves, gloves and underpants.

You leave concerts early to beat the crowd.

You WANT clothes for Christmas.

You've bought an album on vinyl.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Someone mentions SURFING and you picture waves and a surf board.

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along too.

You're cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.

You keep repeating yourself.

Back to Top