AIRCRAFT MAINTENANCE

Problem: "Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tyre."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem 1: "No.2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution 1: "No.2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem 2: "No.1, No.3, and No.4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Solution: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to a more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windscreen."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: Pilot's seat cushion too hard.
Solution: Exchanged pilot & co-pilot seat cushions.

Problem: Radar Alt inoperative.
Solution: System only works in flight.

Problem: Radio inoperative.
Solution: Short between headset.

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."