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BIG BUST BAN
The EU is trying to ban busty barmaids from wearing low-cut tops by deeming it a HEALTH HAZARD for bar girls to show too much cleavage. Brussels bureaucrats say barmaids run a skin cancer risk if they expose themselves to the sun when they go outside to collect glasses. Have they nothing more important to do? Some people really do have too much time on their hands.
COKE HABIT
A 67-year-old man with a £500-a-week drug habit died of cocaine abuse after living with a prostitute who was a heroin addict. Hold on, £500-a-week? Not all pensioners are scraping by on the breadline then?
OPEN TO ALL
Lib Dem leader Charles Kennedy warned the government not to let the public mood dictate legislation in the wake of the 7 July London bombings. He criticised Tony Blair's plans to extend powers to deport or bar from the UK foreigners who encourage terrorism. Just shows what Charles Kennedy thinks of public opinion.
OFFICIALLY BIASED
Chief Constable of Nottinghamshire Steve Green issued 4,000 of his police officers with green ribbons in a show of support for Muslims. Mr Green said wearing ribbons in the Islamic shade of green will show “solidarity”. So much for the police showing impartiality.
RESPECT = FAIL
A teenager failed his driving test because he would not overtake a funeral procession. Out of respect, Quintin Hills joined other drivers who were staying behind the cortege but his examiner failed him for not going past the hearse. He appealed against the test result to the Driving Standards Agency but a spokesman said, "We don't overturn decisions so he will have to take another test."
PRICE DROP
London hotels are offering their cheapest rates for 10 years to draw holidaymakers back to the capital after the bombings led to a sharp drop in the number of visitors. If they can do it now, they could have done it before.
HUMAN RIGHTS
A British court was told that Moutaz Almallah Dabas, charged with recruiting Madrid train bombers and managing an al-Qaeda-inspired group, faced a serious breach of his human rights if he was sent back to Spain. Terror suspects in Spain faced ill-treatment and possible torture, his defence told Bow Street magistrates. He should have thought of that before.
       


Dickie Dydoe


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PC GONE TOO FAR
A couple were banned from playing the Robbie Williams hit 'Angels' at their wedding just 15 minutes before the ceremony at Dukinfield registry office, Greater Manchester, in case it offended non-Christians. Politically correct bureaucrats said that the song contains the word 'heaven', giving it “religious connotations”. That would also rule out most hymns as well then. As we are supposed to accept all cultures and religions, why are our own cultures and Christian religion effectively banned? We have to put up with preachers inciting religios hatred and flag burners yet we're told we mustn't upset non-Christians. This is a curious interpretation of the term “multiculturalism”.

LOTTO GOOD CAUSES
Hampshire education authority received a £48,000 Heritage Lottery Fund grant to fund a project aimed at giving schoolchildren a greater understanding of gipsy and traveller culture and lifestyle. A learning pack and DVD, to be sent to 540 junior and senior schools, will concentrate on the traditions and heritage of gipsies and will not touch on the sensitive issue of the problems some communities face from travellers. The county council say their scheme is an “opportunity to highlight the many positive aspects of the gipsy community”. Lotto chiefs turned down funding for the Falklands Veteran Foundation who need a new refuge. Still got their priorities arse-about-face then?

MIND HOW YOU GO
Police are warning car owners to be vigilant after five motorists returned to their cars to find that vandals had stolen the badges off them. They advise parking in well-lit, prominent areas. This incident happened between 10am and noon on the car park at the rear of a table tennis club, adjacent to a childrens play area with a great number of children and adults present. It's one thing to advise people not to display valuables or shopping on the back seat but you can't stand guard on your car all day in case some tosser takes a fancy to your badge.

SQUIRREL STALKER
Mark Shelton, security officer at Elvaston Castle, discovered a grey squirrel was pinching sandwiches from his office. Since then, Mr Shelton said he has seen the squirrel several times and it has even followind him home. He said, "Since then I have caught him in the trees following me while I'm on patrol. Then I got home and went to take my bag out the back of my van and the squirrel jumped out and ran off up the road. I have not seen him for a couple of days now, but he knows where I live and I reckon he's watching me. Everyone has been calling him Secret Squirrel, but we're thinking of giving him a place on the team as Security Squirrel if he makes it back to the castle."

SENSITIVE ROCK BAND
Rock band The Magic Numbers walked out of an appearance on TV show Top of the Pops because they thought the presenter made a joke about their weight. In rehearsals, Richard Bacon said the band had been put in a "fat melting pot of talent" and they left in protest at the "derogatory, unfunny remarks". The group said they felt they had to "make a stand and leave". A BBC spokesman said Bacon tried to apologise and was referring to their status, not their appearance and that he'd used the word "fat" as a "figure of speech referring to the band's status". If they're this sensitive about a comment made about them, then they might as well take up another career as they'll never survive in the music business.

NO PROOF OF GUILT
Mahieddine Daikh, an Algerian who became a naturalised Briton two years ago, was arrested at Bangkok airport with 452 fake blank European passports in his luggage, as he prepared to board a plane to return to the UK. He said he bought the passports from a Pakistani man for £3,000 in Koh Samui and that he would be paid £15,000 when he delivered them to his contact in London. Of course he can't remember the name of the Pakistani. He will probably escape punishment unless there is a formal complaint from the government of one of the countries affected. A Foreign Office spokeswoman admitted Mr Daikh would not be arrested on his return to the UK. "He could not be prosecuted in Britain for this offence," she said. No wonder Muslim terrorist flock here, it's so easy and they get paid by the government while they are here!

THE PRICE FOR BEING PATRIOTIC
The Griffin family, of Peterborough, Cambridgeshire, are football fans and decided to start flying two cross of St George flags for Euro 2004. Now they want to keep the flags flying, but the city council says they are in breach of national regulations. Tina Griffin said the family understood that the council had decided against taking action but now they were facing the threat of prosecution again. "If we had them on a single vertical flag pole they would be fine but because they are at an angle to the house they are classed as advertising," Mrs Griffin said. "The council has never told me what it is I am advertising and clearly I would like to know what that is." A council spokesman said they were not being petty about the flags but were simply enforcing national regulations. The authority was prepared to allow Mrs Griffin to fly one flag, but she needs special permission to permanently fly both and to apply for that she would need to pay a £265 fee.

NO IT'S NOT AN APRIL FOOL
A heart patient was banned from raising money for charity by sitting in a bath of maggots, because it would be cruel. Town hall officials told Ron Reeves the stunt would breach animal welfare rules and if a maggot was hurt injured, squashed or upset, he could be prosecuted. Brett McLean, who was helping Ron organise the event at Hastings, East Sussex, said, "We were originally told we needed £10million public liability insurance in case a maggot escaped the bath and someone slipped on it. A week later we were told we couldn't use the maggots at all." Hastings Council said the maggots were protected under a nine-page welfare charter. The council is currently running a "Fishing4u" play scheme in which youngsters are supplied with live bait...

WHY ARE WE NOT SURPRISED?
CCTV cameras at Stockwell Tube station were not working when armed police shot dead Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes believing he was a suicide bomber.

THIRD RATE TREATMENT
Fourteen-year-old Elliot Knott injured his back in an ice skating accident and was told he faced a 17 week wait to see a consultant at Southampton General Hospital and then nine months for surgery on the NHS. Private surgery in the UK would have cost £20,000 so he travelled to Delhi, India, where it was £4,700. Southampton General Hospital said specialists were in "short supply".

ANTI-TERROR CRACKDOWN
Human rights laws are standing in the way of attempts to crack down on terrorists. The United Nations warned Tony Blair that his plans to deport Islamic extremists and foreign terror suspects could fall foul of international human rights law because they face torture in their home countries. France and Spain deported terrorist suspects to their home countries without breaching their human rights obligations so why not Britain?

ANTI-TERROR LEGISLATION
The government announced a number of measures which would form part of new anti-terror legislation. These include the banning of the radical groups, Hizb ut Tahrir and Al Muhajiroun. Derby members of Hizb ut Tahrir are still regularly handing out leaflets in the city. Imran Waheed, a spokesman for Hizb ut Tahrir Britain, said the group would fight any ban through the courts and insisted it was a "non-violent political party". It may be non-violent but stirring up hatred can hardly be classed as innocent. He warned that any ban would cause "serious repercussions in terms of community relations". Serious repercussions? What are we supposed to read into that comment? The founder of the Derby branch of Al Muhajiroun, Omar Bakri Mohammed, originally from Syria, said he could "live with" being deported. We can just imagine the reaction if such a move was proposed.

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