BIG BUST BAN
The EU is trying to ban busty barmaids
from wearing low-cut tops by deeming it a HEALTH
HAZARD for bar girls to show too much cleavage.
Brussels bureaucrats say barmaids run a skin
cancer risk if they expose themselves to the sun
when they go outside to collect glasses. Have
they nothing more important to do? Some people
really do have too much time on their hands. |
COKE
HABIT
A 67-year-old man with a £500-a-week
drug habit died of cocaine abuse after living
with a prostitute who was a heroin addict. Hold
on, £500-a-week? Not all pensioners are scraping
by on the breadline then? |
OPEN
TO ALL
Lib Dem leader Charles Kennedy warned
the government not to let the public mood dictate
legislation in the wake of the 7 July London
bombings. He criticised Tony Blair's plans to
extend powers to deport or bar from the UK
foreigners who encourage terrorism. Just shows
what Charles Kennedy thinks of public opinion. |
OFFICIALLY
BIASED
Chief Constable of Nottinghamshire Steve
Green issued 4,000 of his police officers with
green ribbons in a show of support for Muslims.
Mr Green said wearing ribbons in the Islamic
shade of green will show solidarity.
So much for the police showing impartiality. |
RESPECT
= FAIL
A teenager failed his driving test
because he would not overtake a funeral
procession. Out of respect, Quintin Hills joined
other drivers who were staying behind the cortege
but his examiner failed him for not going past
the hearse. He appealed against the test result
to the Driving Standards Agency but a spokesman
said, "We don't overturn decisions so he
will have to take another test." |
PRICE
DROP
London hotels are offering their
cheapest rates for 10 years to draw holidaymakers
back to the capital after the bombings led to a
sharp drop in the number of visitors. If they can
do it now, they could have done it before. |
HUMAN
RIGHTS
A British court was told that Moutaz
Almallah Dabas, charged with recruiting Madrid
train bombers and managing an al-Qaeda-inspired
group, faced a serious breach of his human rights
if he was sent back to Spain. Terror suspects in
Spain faced ill-treatment and possible torture,
his defence told Bow Street magistrates. He
should have thought of that before. |
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PC
GONE TOO FAR
A couple were banned from playing the Robbie
Williams hit 'Angels' at their wedding just 15 minutes
before the ceremony at Dukinfield registry office,
Greater Manchester, in case it offended non-Christians.
Politically correct bureaucrats said that the song
contains the word 'heaven', giving it religious
connotations. That would also rule out most hymns
as well then. As we are supposed to accept all cultures
and religions, why are our own cultures and Christian
religion effectively banned? We have to put up with
preachers inciting religios hatred and flag burners yet
we're told we mustn't upset non-Christians. This is a
curious interpretation of the term
multiculturalism.
LOTTO
GOOD CAUSES
Hampshire education authority received a
£48,000 Heritage Lottery Fund grant to fund a project
aimed at giving schoolchildren a greater understanding of
gipsy and traveller culture and lifestyle. A learning
pack and DVD, to be sent to 540 junior and senior
schools, will concentrate on the traditions and heritage
of gipsies and will not touch on the sensitive issue of
the problems some communities face from travellers. The
county council say their scheme is an opportunity
to highlight the many positive aspects of the gipsy
community. Lotto chiefs turned down funding for the
Falklands Veteran Foundation who need a new refuge. Still
got their priorities arse-about-face then?
MIND
HOW YOU GO
Police are warning car owners to be vigilant
after five motorists returned to their cars to find that
vandals had stolen the badges off them. They advise
parking in well-lit, prominent areas. This incident
happened between 10am and noon on the car park at the
rear of a table tennis club, adjacent to a childrens play
area with a great number of children and adults present.
It's one thing to advise people not to display valuables
or shopping on the back seat but you can't stand guard on
your car all day in case some tosser takes a fancy to
your badge.
SQUIRREL
STALKER
Mark Shelton, security officer at Elvaston Castle,
discovered a grey squirrel was pinching sandwiches from
his office. Since then, Mr Shelton said he has seen the
squirrel several times and it has even followind him
home. He said, "Since then I have caught him in the
trees following me while I'm on patrol. Then I got home
and went to take my bag out the back of my van and the
squirrel jumped out and ran off up the road. I have not
seen him for a couple of days now, but he knows where I
live and I reckon he's watching me. Everyone has been
calling him Secret Squirrel, but we're thinking of giving
him a place on the team as Security Squirrel if he makes
it back to the castle."
SENSITIVE
ROCK BAND
Rock band The Magic Numbers walked out of an
appearance on TV show Top of the Pops because they
thought the presenter made a joke about their weight. In
rehearsals, Richard Bacon said the band had been put in a
"fat melting pot of talent" and they left in
protest at the "derogatory, unfunny remarks".
The group said they felt they had to "make a stand
and leave". A BBC spokesman said Bacon tried to
apologise and was referring to their status, not their
appearance and that he'd used the word "fat" as
a "figure of speech referring to the band's
status". If they're this sensitive about a comment
made about them, then they might as well take up another
career as they'll never survive in the music business.
NO
PROOF OF GUILT
Mahieddine Daikh, an Algerian who became a
naturalised Briton two years ago, was arrested at Bangkok
airport with 452 fake blank European passports in his
luggage, as he prepared to board a plane to return to the
UK. He said he bought the passports from a Pakistani man
for £3,000 in Koh Samui and that he would be paid
£15,000 when he delivered them to his contact in London.
Of course he can't remember the name of the Pakistani. He
will probably escape punishment unless there is a formal
complaint from the government of one of the countries
affected. A Foreign Office spokeswoman admitted Mr Daikh
would not be arrested on his return to the UK. "He
could not be prosecuted in Britain for this
offence," she said. No wonder Muslim terrorist flock
here, it's so easy and they get paid by the government
while they are here!
THE
PRICE FOR BEING PATRIOTIC
The Griffin family, of Peterborough,
Cambridgeshire, are football fans and decided to start
flying two cross of St George flags for Euro 2004. Now
they want to keep the flags flying, but the city council
says they are in breach of national regulations. Tina
Griffin said the family understood that the council had
decided against taking action but now they were facing
the threat of prosecution again. "If we had them on
a single vertical flag pole they would be fine but
because they are at an angle to the house they are
classed as advertising," Mrs Griffin said. "The
council has never told me what it is I am advertising and
clearly I would like to know what that is." A
council spokesman said they were not being petty about
the flags but were simply enforcing national regulations.
The authority was prepared to allow Mrs Griffin to fly
one flag, but she needs special permission to permanently
fly both and to apply for that she would need to pay a
£265 fee.
NO
IT'S NOT AN APRIL FOOL
A heart patient was banned from raising money
for charity by sitting in a bath of maggots, because it
would be cruel. Town hall officials told Ron Reeves the
stunt would breach animal welfare rules and if a maggot
was hurt injured, squashed or upset, he could be
prosecuted. Brett McLean, who was helping Ron organise
the event at Hastings, East Sussex, said, "We were
originally told we needed £10million public liability
insurance in case a maggot escaped the bath and someone
slipped on it. A week later we were told we couldn't use
the maggots at all." Hastings Council said the
maggots were protected under a nine-page welfare charter.
The council is currently running a "Fishing4u"
play scheme in which youngsters are supplied with live
bait...
WHY
ARE WE NOT SURPRISED?
CCTV cameras at Stockwell Tube station were not
working when armed police shot dead Brazilian Jean
Charles de Menezes believing he was a suicide bomber.
THIRD
RATE TREATMENT
Fourteen-year-old Elliot Knott injured his back
in an ice skating accident and was told he faced a 17
week wait to see a consultant at Southampton General
Hospital and then nine months for surgery on the NHS.
Private surgery in the UK would have cost £20,000 so he
travelled to Delhi, India, where it was £4,700.
Southampton General Hospital said specialists were in
"short supply".
ANTI-TERROR
CRACKDOWN
Human rights laws are standing in the way of
attempts to crack down on terrorists. The United Nations
warned Tony Blair that his plans to deport Islamic
extremists and foreign terror suspects could fall foul of
international human rights law because they face torture
in their home countries. France and Spain deported
terrorist suspects to their home countries without
breaching their human rights obligations so why not
Britain?
ANTI-TERROR
LEGISLATION
The government announced a number of measures
which would form part of new anti-terror legislation.
These include the banning of the radical groups, Hizb ut
Tahrir and Al Muhajiroun. Derby members of Hizb ut Tahrir
are still regularly handing out leaflets in the city.
Imran Waheed, a spokesman for Hizb ut Tahrir Britain,
said the group would fight any ban through the courts and
insisted it was a "non-violent political
party". It may be non-violent but stirring up hatred
can hardly be classed as innocent. He warned that any ban
would cause "serious repercussions in terms of
community relations". Serious repercussions? What
are we supposed to read into that comment? The founder of
the Derby branch of Al Muhajiroun, Omar Bakri Mohammed,
originally from Syria, said he could "live
with" being deported. We can just imagine the
reaction if such a move was proposed.
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