CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS

"He made my debit card decline."
(That's not me, that's because you have no money you moron)

"He sold the last paper before I got here."
(Try coming a little earlier than 10pm next time)

"He didn't give me the winning ticket."
(I'm hoarding them all for myself)

"He wouldn't let me use the phone."
(You'll have to call your girlfriend from home, instead)

"She yelled at my kids."
(Am I supposed to keep my mouth shut when your kids ask a question about something?)

"I always have trouble when I go through her checkout ."
(Then why don't you go through another one you plank!)

"She threw my money on the counter instead of handing it to me"
(And I will continue to do it until you treat me like a human being!! If I hold my hand out for the money and you throw it at me you obviously didn't want to touch me, so I am returning the favour!)

"This wine tastes like vinegar"
(Dry wine is tart, idiot)

"She rolled her eyes at me!"
(That's what my sister used to say when we were 3 and 4 years old and she wanted to get me in trouble. . . didn't work then either)

"Why are your cigarettes so expensive!?"
(Probably because the government figured out that taxing addiction is REALLY profitable)

"This is cheaper down the road"
(Then go down the road!)

"He looked at me funny!"
(Sorry about that. I'll poke out his evil eye when he shows up to work today)

"I shouldn't have to pay that much. I'm a PhD!"
(Bull. You're only an S.O.B....sorry, I mean Dr. S.O.B.!)

"I've sat through a two hour film and I did not care for it, I want my money back"
(Talk to the film company)

"I'm a senior citizen, shouldn't I get a discount?"
(Considering that the majority of wealth is held by people 60 and over, not only am I not going to give you a discount, I'm going to charge you double)

"I can't shop for books when there's music playing in the store"
(That's because you have the attention span of a retarded monkey you tool)

"Your representative wouldn't cover me under the warranty!"
(That's because your product was made in 1958)