Page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

SHOCK FOOTBALL NEWS
FIFA's chief medical officer, Prof Jiri Dvorak has revealed that over half the players treated on the pitch for injuries during the World Cup weren't injured at all. The revelation brings up the horrifying possibility that players might have gone as far as faking injury in order to con the referee. The idea that players might have faked injury raises the fear that, unless urgent action is taken, footballers may very soon become overpaid, arrogant, and might even come to value their haircuts over everything else. (Source: Metro, Oct/06)

STANDING UP TO PEE
Dvergsnes School in the city of Kristiansand, Norway, adopted a policy that boys cannot urinate standing up on the grounds that the young boys keep missing the toilets, which are also used by girls. Politician Vidar Kleppe has attacked the schools policy saying the rule is against their human rights.

He said, "When boys are not allowed to pee in the natural way, the way boys have done for generations, it is meddling with God's work." He added that "it is a human right not to have to sit down like a girl." He is also demanding that the rule is debated by the local council. (Source: Metro, Oct/06)

NO BONFIRE ON BONFIRE NIGHT
Watford Borough Council is scrapping the traditional bonfire from it's fireworks night as it goes against its policy of a smoke-free town. Bosses also admitted health and safety fears played a part in their decision, because of worries of overcrowding and the difficulties of putting out the blaze. As a replacement for the bonfire, the council have organised professional fire performers to entertain the crowds instead.

MAN LOSES PENIS - AGAIN!
A 44-year-old father of three children was left with a 0.4in stump and was unable to urinate or have intercourse after being involved in a car accident. Surgeons at Guangzhou General Hospital, in China, spent 15 hours attaching a 4in organ taken from a brain-dead 22-year-old man after his parents agreed. The surgical team claimed the operation was a success but they had to remove the organ two weeks later because of "a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife". To lose one penis is unfortunate, but to lose two......... (Source: Daily Telegraph, Sep/06)

CRIME SCENE
Robert Emberson adopted a stray kitten from the charity Cats Protection but a few weeks later two police officers called at his house accompanied by charity workers to demand he return his new pet. The action came after a single flea had been spotted on the kitten by one of the charity's officers during an earlier visit to check the animal's welfare.

Police may not be able to chase criminals because it may endanger the criminal, so instead their special skills are being put to use chasing fleas! So if you want the police to come to the scene of a crime all you have to do is say you found a cat with fleas? Thank God we don’t have any serious crime to consider. (Source: Mail on Sunday, Sep/06)

CAUGHT WITH HIS TROUSERS DOWN
A Slovak driver who ignored a give way sign and crashed into a bus was subsequently extracted from his car unconscious, half naked, and "with a vacuum pump on his penis". The unnamed 42-year-old was driving his old Citroen in the Slovak town of Levice when the accident occurred. Police officer Peter Polak said, "It's very likely he had auto-sex while driving, it is a matter of investigation. After the accident he was found lying in the seat, his pants were off and the pump was placed on his penis. I've never seen anything like this, nor have my colleagues." The man was taken to hospital with "head injuries". (Source: The Register, Sep/06)

QUEUES CAUSING AN OBSTRUCTION
People queueing outside a chippie face £50 fines for obstruction. Up to 1,000 people a day pass through its doors in busy periods and neighbouring businesses are furious at the long lines blocking the entrance to their shops. Now Ian Robson, owner of the harbourside Magpie cafe in Whitby, North Yorks, has been told customers could be issued with fixed penalty notices for blocking the pavement. (Source: Daily Mirror, Sep/06)

WEMBLEY STADIUM - MORE FARCE
Stars and season-ticket holders could find themselves with nowhere to park at the new Wembley Stadium. The owners of the can provide only a fraction of the 10,000 car parking spaces required. Senior figures involved with the £750million development have admitted they have planning permission for just 2,900 spaces and that it would take more than two hours for cars to get in and out of the parking available.

And if pop superstars such as the Rolling Stones or Madonna are in concert at the adjacent Wembley Arena on the same day as a major football or rugby final, the number of parking places available will be reduced even further. The chaos results from Wembley National Stadium, the company formed to build and operate the showpiece, applying to Brent Council for insufficient parking because the original emphasis was on fans using public transport.

But now, many of the 13,000 fans buying season tickets costing from £1,350 to £5,450 a year, and corporate-box owners who pay between £60,000 and £270,000 a year, could find themselves with nowhere to park, even though the price is supposed to include parking. The parking spaces are mostly on what was the old stadium's East car park, part of 70 acres of land bought by London-based Quintain Estates and Developments. (Source: Mail on Sunday, Sep/06)

TALK ABOUT OVER-THE-TOP
Officials went safety mad after a grandma mistakenly took the wrong child's hand at a holiday playscheme. The pensioner went to pick up her granddaughter from the Boredom Busters playscheme held in the town's Redhill Park. Seeing a youngster wearing an identical yellow and pink baseball hat to her granddaughter's, she took her hand and walked with her for about 10 yards. She then realised her mistake and apologised to the girl and organisers.

Council organisers immediately contacted Ofsted inspectors and carried out a "risk assessment". Parents were ordered to sign in and out of the site, and give a password to staff when they collected children and boundaries of the playscheme at Bournemouth, Dorset, were also roped off with visible tape. Bournemouth leisure development manager Peter Barry said, "We received a complaint from another parent. A risk assessment has been updated." (Source: Daily Mirror, Aug/06)