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WEMBLEY STADIUM - TOTAL FARCE
The opening of the new Wembley Stadium could be 'delayed indefinitely'. Multiplex, its builders has already lost around £70m building the stadium and has posted four profits warnings. It has suffered what it calls 'cost blowouts' since signing a £352m fixed-price contract in 2002. The project has been plagued by setbacks. Installation of its 133-metre signature arch and pedestrian walkway for fans coming from Wembley Park tube station has been delayed and there are legal disputes with subcontractors. The roof was damaged by molten metal dropped by spot welders and repair teams were drafted in to patch up the botch-up and workers were laid off over a pay row with contractors. Multiplex may have to cough up £10MILLION compensation for the stadium not being ready and will have to pay £1million for each week it is late. The Football Association is considering writing off millions of pounds in late-penalty fines issued to contractors working on the new Wembley Stadium, in a bid to get the project open on time.

DON'T INJURE BURGLARS
An animal rescue charity has warned pet-owners to stop using "Beware of the Dog" signs, to prevent burglars claiming compensation. The Dogs Trust said a warning sign may imply your dog is kept solely to protect your home and family, and you would be held liable for any damage a dog does to a trespasser on your property. And that would never do. We can't risk injuring a burglar, who has more rights than the house owner.

COSTLY POLICE MISTAKE
A police force spent £500,000 of taxpayers' money to discover that one of its officers had "mistakenly" overclaimed £90 on his expenses. PC Lobo was suspended for three years on full pay and taken to court over accusations that he had fiddled his petrol expenses. And now he has been told he can return to work after it was found that his overclaim was the result of a genuine mistake. Lancashire Police may face further costs in compensation and damages after it emerged that PC Lobo, who is black, is set to sue the force for racial discrimination. Ah, that one again. (Source: Mail on Sunday, Aug/06)

DECKCHAIR GAVE SUNBATHER A BOLLOCKING
A sunbather was left writhing in agony when his plums became trapped between slats of wood in his deckchair. Mario Visnjic had been swimming naked in the sea and returned to the wooden chair but his private parts slipped through two slats and got stuck. He had to call beach maintenance staff on his mobile phone in naturist hotspot Valalta, near Rovinj. The workers cut the deckchair in half and released Mr Visnjic, who hobbled away in relief. (Source: Metro, Aug/06)

NO MORE CONGER EEL
Every summer, the people of Lyme Regis, Dorset, gather on the town's harbour to take part in the game of conger cuddling. Like a scene from Monty Python, where two characters slap each other with dead fish, the event involves contestants knocking one another off blocks using a 5ft dead conger eel suspended from a rope. Not only is it a cause of much hilarity, the RNLI-backed game has raised thousands of pounds for the lifeboat charity over the years.

But now all that has changed after an anonymous animal rights campaigner complained that the event was 'disrespectful' to dead animals, causing its organisers to pull the plug on it. Furthermore, the complainer threatened to film the event and use the footage to stir up a nation-wide campaign if this year's conger cuddling went ahead. Richard Fox, who founded the tradition in 1974, said he was 'livid' the event had come to an end.

He said, "It is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard. How can you be disrespecting an animal's rights when it is dead?" Mr Fox said he invented conger cuddling as 'a bit of fun' during Lyme Regis Lifeboat Week. It derives from an old West Country tradition of mangel dangling which is a similar game involving a mangelwurzle. He added that the eels weren't caught specifically for the event but were caught accidentally by local fishermen.

Rob Michael, chairman of the Lyme Lifebaot Guild, which organises conger coddling, said the charity didn't want to be seen to be taking part in a 'barbaric' event. "We have been advised by the RNLI headquarters at Poole to abandon the conger cuddling event following a local complaint," he said. (Source: Mail on Sunday, Jul/06)

FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF THE BLEEDIN' OBVIOUS
The all-party Transport Committee said boy-racers are responsible for an "appallingly high" number of crashes and they called for more training, tougher tests and longer "probation" after youngsters pass their tests. The committee said male drivers aged 17 to 20 were 10 times more likely to die in crashes than men aged 35 to 54. The 17-24s were in 25% of accidents. (Source: Daily Mirror, Jul/06)

LAWS BANNING NATIONAL FLAGS TO BE SCRAPPED
Currently it is illegal to fly a national flag without permission from a local council, unless it is flown from a vertical flagpole. A Peterborough family fell foul of the regulations during the World Cup when they were threatened with prosecution for flying the cross of St George outside their home. The council had claimed that a single vertical pole would have been fine but because two St George flags were flown at an angle to the house they were classed as advertising. The rule changes will allow national flags to be flown without permission however they are displayed. (Source: BBC News, Jul/06)

DON'T OFFEND A KILLER'S FAMILY
Murdered schoolgirl Rosie May Storrie's parents cannot dedicate a bench to her memory as it might offend her killer's family. Her parents, Mary and Graham, want to place the seat on a spot where the 10-year-old used to play with friends but their request was refused three times by councillors. Mary, who has raised £1,200 for a bench in Bottesford, Leics, said, "This is not about the fact Rosie May was killed and who killed her. This is about having something in her memory." Rosie May died at a Christmas party in 2003. Paul Smith, who held her face down on a bed, was jailed for life. His grandparents live in the village. Parish council chairman David Wright said, "A lot of parish council members have lived here for a long time and know both families. We have to consider everyone's feelings." But least of all the victims family it would seem. (Source: Daily Mirror, Feb/06)

SENSELESS CENSUS
Hundreds of drivers were stuck in a seven-mile jam in blistering heat so a council could carry out a survey. Motorists assumed there was a bad accident after huge queues built up around Laindon, Essex, but their patience turned to anger when they found officials conducting a census in temperatures of 34°C (93°F). Police, who received over 100 complaints, had asked council chiefs to call it off but their request was ignored.

Essex council stood by its decision to hold the 11-hour census on the A127 from 7am-6pm with councillor Rodney Bass saying, “The information will help develop transport plans making journeys easier. We fully acknowledge that the roadside interviews resulted in major delays to drivers and in such circumstances we accept that commonsense should have prevailed and we should have acted accordingly."

He added, "We are now in discussion with Essex police on what lessons can be learnt from this and how to manage such circumstances more effectively in the future.” Maybe putting someone with more than two brain cells in charge next time might help. (Source: The Sun, Jul/06)

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