NEWS IN BRIEF

Gang of hardened criminals stand accused of theft of viagra.

Police find piles of cash, drugs and numerous sex toys during raid. Said they don't know what was going on, but it looks like it was one hell of a party.

Impatient death row inmate commits suicide.

Wlesh scienitsts dsicover dlysexia gene.

The glamorous 17-year-old wants to be a policewoman some day, like her dad.

Businessman destroys skate park with bulldozer to teach kids that vandalism is wrong.

The driver involved in this incident asked that her gender not be revealed.

Man uses the old "finger in pocket" trick during holdup, forgets the pocket part.

Accordian thief caught out in street when suspicious police officer orders him to play it.

Man spends five years in prison awaiting trial, is acquitted in 15 minutes.

Study: Ice cream "isn't health food." In related news, banging own head on brick wall hurts.

Men use counterfeit money in store. Return merchandise later for refund. Get counterfeit money back.

Charges dropped against man who gave poison antidote to rats.

Burglar breaks into locksmith business.

Fire extinguisher sets off fatal explosion.

Retailers decide to sell summer clothes during....wait for it...SUMMER.

Woman invited man into her home without noticing he was wearing nothing but whipped cream.

Woman hopes her gallstones pass into Guinness Book of Records.

It's not clear how serious gunshot wounds to man's penis are, but let's face facts - he was shot in the penis.

Male infertility can be passed on to children. Think about it.

Coke employee fired for drinking Pepsi on the job.

Couple allows perfect stranger to house-sit for them while on holiday - are shocked to return to a home with considerably fewer furnishings.

Flyers for FCUK perfume raising real stink among consumers who can't read very well.

Four out of five men don't want to see women's thongs. In other news, four out of five men are lying.

Woman claims she was only speeding because the police were chasing her.

13-year-old mother calls for better sex education.

Man shows how he lost thumb, and loses finger.

Nuns told to change their habits and shape up.

Man who smoked cigars, drank beer and ate greasy food dies aged 113.

"What's been reported is accurate but you have to take it in context of the entire report, which is classified."

Man walks into gents toilet, unzips, encounters female attendant, gets sued.

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion"

Train hits bicycle: "The train did not sustain major damage".

Restauranteur proves worm is edible after customer complained he had found it in his food.

Man says he wants penis-reduction surgery, because it's getting out of hand.

Man claims he can't remember how bullet blew off his finger and lodged in his kneecap.

Odd smell causes evacuation of old folks' home. Smell not just regular old people smell.

Advanced English course cancelled because it's unfair to those who are having problems learning.

French man loses arm in accident, doesn't notice.

Twelve of 20 charges dropped against restaurant owner after he says moldy, bug-infested food was for his own use, not for patrons.

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