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ID CARDS
David Blunkett warned that people refusing to register for ID cards face £2,500 fines.

ROCK DAD
Finance manager Derek Sanders of Bromsgrove is in hiding following a humiliating visit to a guitar shop with his 17-year-old son Matt.

TEENAGERS TO BE INNOCULATED AGAINST ADOLESCENCE
The Ministry of Health has launched a new scheme that will see teenagers being innoculated against the risk of adolescence.

MPs
MPs worked just 87 DAYS in 2003 under plans to "modernise" Parliament. After a three-week Christmas break they returned to the Commons to knuckle down to a THREE-DAY week.

MOBILE PHONES HAVE LOST THE PLOT
Nokia's recent announcement heralding the arrival of "widgets" is further proof that the entire mobile industry is a rudderless ship furiously innovating in circles.

ELEVATOR THAT ARRIVES QUICKER THE MORE YOU PRESS THE BUTTON
The Otis Elevator Company has announced the introduction of radical new technology in their latest range of lifts which actually increases the response time of the lift the more you press the call button.

WAS DIANA MURDERED?
Could it be that we’ve all been fooled? That there was no ‘accident’ on the night of 31 August 1997, in a dark tunnel in Paris.

0870 PHONE NUMBERS ARE TO BE SCRAPPED
Emergency helpline numbers will be FREE in future after families complained they were charged up to 40p a minute in the wake of the 7/7 London bombings.

JOB CENTRES TO BE PRIVATISED
The Public and Commercial Services Union (PCS) obtained a confidential letter from a senior official in the Department of Work Pensions outlining proposals to privatise Job Centres.

LIFE IN THE 1950s
Everything was better in the 1950s, except washing machines, central heating and inside toilets.

GURKHAS WIN THE RIGHT TO STAY IN BRITAIN
Gurkhas who have served with the British Army have won their battle to be allowed to settle in Britain and get a British passport.

COUNTY COUNCIL PORKIES!
Derbyshire County Council are attempting to swindle the general public even further regarding Elvaston Castle and Country Park.

FAT CATS
Energy bosses face a grilling from MPs to justify "fat cat" salaries for themselves while their customers face soaring fuel bills.

HIGHGATE SANCTUARY = NORSEMAN HOLDINGS
The ongoing attempt by Derbyshire County Council to steal Elvaston Castle and Estate from the people has now plumbed new depths.

COPY PROTECTION
Software that makes it simple to bypass any form of anti-copying technology used to protect music CDs has been released.

PAY RISES
Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon Brown, told Derbyshire workers seeking "inflation- busting" pay rises that increases should be pegged at 2% in 2004.

PRUDENTIAL INSURANCE
When arthritis-sufferer Edith Storer fell and had to be rescued by police and paramedics she did not expect to be left with an £880 bill.

THE EUROPEAN UNION
Plans to build 1.4 million extra homes in Britain have been DUMPED on by the EU.

PRODUCING TOMORROWS YOB
All forms of physical punishment of children beyond a 'minor smack' are to be made illegal under plans being drawn up by Downing Street and the Department for Education.

RACISM
Rugby Borough Council banned the flag of St George at its town hall, in case it was seen as racist.

SMOKING IN PUBLIC PLACES BAN
Britain's 12 million smokers have a powerful new enemy, capable of curbing their vice more effectively than the health lobby has ever managed - step forward the local bureaucrat.

TRANSPORT CRISIS
An apocalyptic vision of choking roads, collapsing bridges and 'unimaginable' rail overcrowding is unveiled in a report.

COMPENSATION CLAIMS THAT STINK...
A councillor, who slipped when she went to check dangerous seaweed in the DARK, won £25,000 compensation.

COCA-COLA
Bottled water sold by Coca-Cola is out of the TAP. The drinks giant admitted its “super pure” Dasani water comes from the mains supply to its factory near Peckham.

EAST MIDLANDS DEVELOPMENT AGENCY
East Midlands Development Agency was set up with the aim of propelling the region into the top 20 but its commitment to Derbyshire has been questioned after it supported the decision by East Midlands Airport to add Nottingham to its name.

PARKSAFE
This multi-storey car park ranks alongside, Fort Knox as one of the top 10 most secure places in the world.

DENTISTS
Department of Health figures reveal that half of people in England do not have a NHS dentist.

TANGO WHISKEY ALPHA TANGO SIERRA
Arrested and held for six hours - over a shop sign.

MOBILE PHONE MASTS
Masts are indeed "everywhere". In Derby alone, with its population of 250,000 people, there are 103 mobile masts.

MOBILE PHONE CHARGES REMAIN A RIP-OFF
An official review into Britain's £48bn telecommunication industry could spell the end of the bewildering array of mobile phone tariffs and hidden charges.

WEATHER
Road surfaces melt in the sun and crack due to frost in winter, while rail services are all but suspended if snow is forecast.

SPECIAL CARE BABY UNIT
Premature babies needing intensive care could be sent out of Derbyshire under plans to reorganise baby units across the region.

NHS WASTE
The NHS is throwing away billions of pounds of taxpayers’ money.

TRUST POLITICIANS?
The Department of Transport made an embarrassing U-turn in restoring to police forces the power to install hidden speed cameras.

GOVERNMENT WASTE
£50billion a year of taxpayers money is being wasted by the Government.

LEGAL AID
First-time burglars and other petty criminals will be denied representation in court under government plans to cut the legal aid budget by up to £20m a year.

POLICE STATE
Felicity Elphick attended a public meeting to speak up for the hardpressed motorists she felt were being treated like "hooligans". A senior police officer warned of the threat of a "swift police response" should she repeat them.

WRONG BIN BAGS
Council bosses have fined a woman £50 for putting her rubbish out in the WRONG KIND of bin bags.

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